E-text prepared by Delphine Lettau and the Online Distributed Proofreading Canada Team (http://www.pgdpcanada.net) SUCH THINGS ARE; A Play, in Five Acts. As Performed at the Theatre Royal, Covent Garden. by MRS. INCHBALD. Second Edition. London: Printed for G. G. J. and J. ROBINSON, Pater-noster Row. MDCCLXXXVIII. ADVERTISEMENT. The travels of an Englishman throughout Europe, and even in some parts of Asia, to soften the sorrows of the Prisoner, excited in the mind of the Author the subject of the following pages, which, formed into a dramatic story, have produced from the Theatre a profit far exceeding the usual pecuniary advantages arising from a successful Comedy. The uncertainty in what part of the East the hero of the present piece was (at the time it was written) dispensing his benevolence, caused the Writer, after many researches and objections, to fix the scene on the island of Sumatra, where the English settlement, the system of government, and every description of the manners of the people, reconcile the incidents of the Play to the strictest degree of probability. PROLOGUE, Written by THOMAS VAUGHAN, Esq. Spoken by Mr. HOLMAN. How say you, critic Gods[1], and you below[2]; Are you all friends?--or here--and there--a foe? Come to protect your _literary_ trade, Which Mrs. _Scribble_ dares _again_ invade-- But know you not--_in all_ the fair ones do, 'Tis not to please themselves alone--but you. Then who so churlish, or so cynic grown, Would wish to change a _simper_ for a _frown_? Or who so jealous of their own _dear_ quill, Would point the paragraph her fame to kill? Yet such there are, in this all-scribbling town, } And men of letters too--of some renown, } Who sicken at all merit but their own. } But sure 'twere more for Wit's--for Honour's sake, To make the Drama's _race_--_the give and take_. [_Looking round the house._ My hint I see's approv'd--so pray begin it, And praise us--_roundly_ for the _good things_ in it, Nor let severity our faults expose, When godlike Homer's self was known to doze. But of the piece--Methinks I hear you hint, Some dozen lines or more should give the tint-- "Tell how _Sir John_ with _Lady Betty_'s maid Is caught intriguing at a masquerade; Which Lady Betty, in a jealous fit, Resents by flirting with _Sir Ben_--the cit. Whose _three_-feet spouse, to modish follies bent, Mistakes a _six_-feet Valet--for a Gent. Whilst Miss, repugnant to her Guardian's plan, Elopes in Breeches with her fav'rite man." Such are the _hints_ we read in _Roscius'_ days, By way of Prologue ushered in _their_ plays. But _we_, like Ministers and cautious spies, In _secret measures_ think--the merit lies. Yet shall the Muse thus far unveil the plot-- This play was _tragi-comically_ got, Those sympathetic sorrows to impart Which harmonize the feelings of the heart;