Such Things Are: A Play, in Five ActsInchbald, Mrs.
General
Such Things Are: A Play, in Five Acts
Inchbald, Mrs.
English drama
_Aur._ Go into this apartment; I'll follow you--there we may be
safe--and do not hide the smallest circumstance which I may have to
apprehend. [Elvirus _exit at a door_.
_Sir Luke._ [_Without._] Abominable! provoking! impertinent! not to be
borne!
_Aur._ [_Listening._] Thank Heaven, Sir Luke is so perplexed with some
affairs of his own, he may not think of mine.--[_Exit to_ Elvirus.
_Enter Sir_ Luke, _followed by Lady_ Tremor.
_Sir Luke._ I am out of all patience--and all temper--did you ever
hear of such a compleat impertinent coxcomb? Talk, talk, talk,
continually! and referring to me on all occasions! "Such a man was a
brave General--another a great Admiral," and then he must tell a long
story about a siege, and ask me if it did not make my bosom glow!
_Lady._ It had not that effect upon your face, for you were as white
as ashes.
_Sir Luke._ Aye, you did not see yourself, while he was talking of
grandfathers and great grandfathers--if you had--
_Lady._ I was not white, I protest.
_Sir Luke._ No--but you were as red as scarlet.
_Lady._ And you ought to have resented the insult, if you saw me
affected by it--Oh! some men wou'd have given him such a dressing--
_Sir Luke._ Yes, my dear, if your uncle the frisseur had been alive,
he wou'd have given him a dressing, I dare say.
_Lady._ Sir Luke, none of your impertinence; you know I can't nor
won't bear it--neither will I wait for Lord Flint's resentment on Mr.
Twineall--No, I desire you will tell him to quit this roof
immediately.
_Sir Luke._ No, my dear--no, no--you must excuse me--I can't think of
quarrelling with a gentleman in my own house.
_Lady._ Was it your own house to day at dinner when he insulted us?
and would quarrel then?
_Sir Luke._ No--that was a friend's house--and I make it a rule never
to quarrel in my own house--a friend's house--in a tavern--or in the
streets.
_Lady._ Well, then, I would quarrel in my own house--a friend's
house--a tavern--or in the streets--if any one offended _me_.
_Sir Luke._ O, my dear, I have no doubt of it--no doubt, in the least.
_Lady._ But, at present, it shall be in my own house,--and I will tell
the gentleman to quit it immediately.
_Sir Luke._ Very well, my dear--pray do.
_Lady._ I suppose, however, I may tell him I have your authority to
bid him go?
_Sir Luke._ Tell him I have no authority--none in the world over
you--but that you will do as you like.
_Lady._ I can't tell him so--he won't believe it.
_Sir Luke._ Why not? you often tell me so, and _make_ me believe it
too.
_Lady._ Here the gentleman comes--go away for a moment.
_Sir Luke._ With all my heart, my dear. [_Going in a hurry._
_Lady._ I'll give him a few hints, that he must either change his mode
of behaviour, or leave us.
_Sir Luke._ That's right--but don't be too warm--or if he should be
very impertinent, or insolent--(I hear Aurelia's voice in the next
room) call _her_, and I dare say she'll come and take your part.
[_Exit Sir_ Luke.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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