French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
Between the mother's room and that of the child the door remained open,
and Marc was too small to protest. He was at the undecided age that
floats between the sexlessness of early infancy and the first uncertain
awakening of the little man. He was no longer in the one stage and not
yet in the other. He would still run from his own bed to his mother's on
Sunday morning; and on great days he would allow her to dress him from
head to foot. On other days he would have fits of rudeness and shyness.
And he was full of curiosity also. Especially he had attacks of
secretiveness which he did not wish to have disturbed. He would slyly
shut his door. Annette would open it again. He could not make a movement
that she did not hear. It was unbearable! So he wouldn't move at all.
Then she would forget him for a little while. Not for long! . . .
Happily, Annette was not always there. She had to go out. Marc went to
his school, which was not far away. Annette took him there in the
morning, and when she was free (rarely) in the afternoon. But she could
not come for him to take him home again, for this was the hour of her
lessons. He had to come home alone, and this made her anxious. She had
tried to arrange with a neighboring family for the servant to bring Marc
home when she brought their child. But this did not suit Marc, and he
slipped away beforehand. So, proud and timorous, he would come back
alone and all alone shut himself up in the apartment. Good times till
his mother's return! Annette scolded him for his independence. But
although she would never have admitted to herself that she had this evil
feeling, she was not too sorry that he should be able to get along
without comrades. She distrusted comrades. She did not want anyone to
spoil her son. . . . Her son! Was she quite sure that he was hers? Of
course she made an effort to repress her egotistical love. No longer, as
in the days when he was very small, did she feel the blind, gluttonous
need of absorbing the little being in her passion. She saw in him now a
personality. But she persuaded herself that she had the key of this
personality, that she knew better than he its laws and its happiness;
she wanted to carve it in the image of her secret God. Believing, like
most mothers, that she was incapable of creating what she desired
herself, she dreamed of creating it through him who had sprung from her
blood. (That eternal dream, eternally frustrated, of Wotan!)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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