French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
Annette had been completely upset by the sight of Noémi. Ever since she
had surrendered herself she had been tormented by remorse. Not that she
considered herself at fault for loving the man who loved her: their love
was true, it was healthy, it was strong. It had no need of excuse or
pretence. No social convention weighed in her mind against it. In the
fever of her passion she would not even admit that she had any duty
towards Noémi. She was Philippe's real wife. She could not recognize
the other one who had not been able to share in his work and his
struggles and make him happy. But all this assurance did not alter the
fact that someone else paid the price of her own happiness, that she had
destroyed the happiness of another. She had tried to believe that Noémi
was too frivolous to suffer very much and that she would not find it
very hard to give him up. But she knew this was not so, and all she
could do was to avoid thinking of Noémi. The self-centredness of the
first days of passion had made this possible.
But it was no longer possible now that she had met Noémi. Annette had
the unfortunate gift of being able to pass outside herself and enter
sympathetically, in spite of her own passions, into the passions of
others--especially into their sufferings, which a glance revealed to
her. . . .
She went home almost as much obsessed as Noémi by the anxiety that was
devouring her. She could not satisfy herself with words; she could not
fortify herself with the rights of love. Noémi, too, was in love, and
Noémi was suffering. Has the love that suffers less rights than the
love that causes the suffering? It is not a question of rights. One of
the two must suffer, she or I!
She! Annette's passion left her no choice. . . . But it was far from
pleasant.
At least this suffering should not be aggravated! It was wrong to
prolong it as they did, to let the wound grow worse without applying a
firm hand to it, operating upon it, dressing it. To dodge the frank
confession, to throw upon Noémi all the misery of discovering her
misfortune, was cowardly and cruel. From the very first day Annette had
insisted to Philippe, "I am unwilling to conceal myself." Then how had
she allowed herself to slip from day to day into this undignified
situation? . . . It was her own faint-heartedness all the time.
"We must speak," she said to Philippe.
But the moment Philippe was willing to speak she prevented him. She was
afraid of his brutal frankness. He threw away like a squeezed lemon what
he no longer loved. His old bonds annoyed him. "Come," he said, "let's
make an end of it."
And Annette replied, "No, no, not to-day." She saw the suffering he was
going to cause. Gracious heavens! How painful a thing it was to destroy
a heart!
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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