French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
She had dropped the weapon and she struggled no more. The nervous
reaction had set in. She fell now, sobbing and prostrated, at Annette's
feet: she was in hysterics. From the first Annette had suspected
intuitively that Noémi was acting a part . . . up to a certain point.
(But does one ever know just to what point?) And she had been dully
irritated by this nonsense about suicide. . . . But how could she doubt
the suffering of this poor little broken thing? She struggled to remain
hard, to turn away, but she could not; she was ashamed of her suspicions
and, with her heart full of pity, she knelt down by Noémi, lifted up
her head, tried to console her, saying maternally, "My child. . . .
Come, come! . . ."
She took her in her strong arms and raised her up. She felt this young
body, shaken by sobs, abandoning itself, defenceless, and she thought,
"Is it possible that I am the one who causes this suffering?"
Another voice said to her, "Would you not buy your love at the cost of
any amount of suffering?"
"My own suffering, yes."
"Your own and other people's. Why should the others be privileged?"
She looked at Noémi as she held her, half-fainting. . . . So light! . . .
A bird! . . . It seemed to her that she was her daughter and, without
quite meaning to do so, she pressed her in her arms. Noémi opened her
eyes and Annette thought, "If she were in my place would she spare me?"
But Noémi turned towards her a broken look. Annette laid her in her
_chaise longue_, and, standing beside her, placed her hand on her head.
(Noémi shivered at the hateful contact, but she did not show it.) She
asked her, as if she were addressing a weeping child, "So you love him
very much?"
"I love nothing but him."
"I, too, love him."
Noémi gave a jealous start. "Oh," she said harshly, "but I am young.
You, you" (she hesitated), "you have had your life, you can get on
without him."
Annette repeated to herself, bitterly, the words she had not uttered:
"It is because I shall soon be old that I cling to this last hour of
youth, this supreme light, and will not give it up. . . . Ah! If I had
the treasure of youth before me as you have!"
But she added, sadly, "I should make a mess of it a second time, I
suppose."
Noémi had seen Annette's face darken and she was afraid she had
imperilled the frail advantages she had just gained. She said hastily,
"I know quite well that he loves you, that you are beautiful"--("Liar!"
thought Annette)--"that you are superior to me in many things that he
likes. I cannot even hate you because, in spite of everything, I love
you"--("Liar! Liar!" repeated Annette)--"The match is not equal. It
isn't fair! No . . . I am only a poor, weeping woman. I don't amount to
anything. I know it. . . . But I love him, I love him, I can't live
without him. What do you think will become of me if you take him away?
Why did he love me once if it was only to abandon me? I can't endure
it. He is my whole life. Everything else is nothing to me."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account