French fiction -- 20th century -- Translations into English
He was about to go out when a piece of paper in the scrap-basket caught
his attention. At a distance the sharp, prying eyes of the rapacious
child unthinkingly deciphered a few words on a fragment of the sheet. He
stopped short. . . . These words. . . . His mother's writing! He picked
them up, read them feverishly, at random at first, one at a time. These
flaming words! . . . As they were torn into bits, the emotion they called
up, interrupted in the midst of its flight, was all the more
fascinating. . . . He gathered them together, rummaged in the basket for
the smallest fragments, took them all and patiently pieced them
together. His hands trembled at the secret he had captured by surprise.
When he had assembled all the pieces and was able to grasp the poem as a
whole, he was completely taken aback. He did not understand it very
well, but the wild fervor of this solitary song revealed to him unknown
depths of passion and grief that exalted and dismayed him. Was it
possible that these stormy cries had come from his mother's breast? . . .
No, no, it wasn't possible! He wouldn't have it. He told himself that
she had copied them from a book. . . . But from what book? He couldn't
ask her. . . . And yet, suppose it wasn't taken from a book . . . ? The
tears came, the need of crying out his emotion, his love, a longing to
throw himself into his mother's arms, at her feet, to open his heart to
her, to read her own . . . And he couldn't do it. . . .
When his mother came home at noon for lunch, the boy, who had spent the
whole morning reading and copying the torn fragments and had thrust them
in an envelope into his breast, said nothing to her. Sitting at his
table, he even refrained from rising and turning his head towards her
when she entered. The more burning was his desire to know, the stiffer
was the constraint that led him to conceal his anxiety under a mask of
insensibility. If, after all, these tragic words were not Annette's!
Doubt returned to him at the sight of his mother's tranquil face. . . .
But the other, the upsetting doubt, persisted all the same. . . .
Supposing they were hers? . . . This woman, my mother? . . . Facing her
at table, he did not dare look at her. . . . But when her back was
turned and she moved about the room, looking for something, carrying a
plate, he stared at her eagerly with questioning eyes that asked: "Who
are you?"
He could not define his troubled, fascinated, uneasy impression. But
Annette, full of her new life, noticed nothing.
LI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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