Humorous stories; Newspapers -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
Susan Clegg had dwelt alone ever since her father's death. She had not
been unhappy in dwelling alone, although she had been a good daughter as
long as she had a parent to live with. When the parent departed, and
indeed some few days before his going, there had arisen a kind of a
question as to the possibility of a life-companion for the daughter who
must inevitably be left orphaned and lonely before long. The question
had arisen in a way highly characteristic of Miss Clegg and had been
disposed of in the same manner.[A] The fact is that Miss Clegg had
herself proposed to four men and been refused four times. Then her
father had died, and, upon the discovery that he was better endowed with
worldly wealth than folks had generally supposed, all four had hastened
to bring a return suit at once. But Miss Clegg had also had her mind
altered by the new discovery and refused them all. From that time to
this period of which I am about to write there had never been any
further question in her mind as to the non-advisability of having a man
in the house.
[A] See "Susan Clegg and her Friend Mrs. Lathrop."
"As far as I can see," she said confidentially to her friend, Mrs.
Lathrop, who lived next door, "men are not what they are cracked up to
be. There ain't but one woman as looks happy in this whole community and
that's Mrs. Sperrit, an' she looks so happy that at first glance she
looks full as much like a fool as anythin'. The minister's wife don't
look happy,--she looks a deal more like somethin' a cat finds an' lugs
home for you to brush up,--an' goodness knows Mrs. Fisher don't look
happy an' she ain't happy neither, for she told me herself yesterday as
since Mr. Fisher had got this new idea of developin' his chest with
Japanese Jimmy Jig-songs, an' takin' a cold plunge in the slop jar every
mornin', that life hadn't been worth livin' for the wall paper in her
room. She ain't got no sympathy with chest developin' an' Japanese
jiggin' an' she says only to think how proud she was to marry the prize
boy at school an' look at what's come of it. She asked me if I hear
about his goin' to town the other day an' buyin' a book on how to make
your hair grow by pullin' it out as fast as it comes in, an' then
gettin' on the train, an' gettin' to readin' on to how to make your
eyebrows grow by pullin' them out, too, an' not noticin' that they'd
unhooked his car an' left it behind, until it got too dark to read any
further--"
"Why, what--" cried Mrs. Lathrop, who was the best of listeners, and
never interjectional except under the highest possible pressure of
curiosity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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