Humorous stories; Newspapers -- Fiction; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
that it's time we was more than a quarter of a column a week in the
_Meadville Mixture_. He says the _Meadville Mixture_ ain't never been
fair to us an' Judge Fitch says it ain't got right views as to its
foreign policy. Mr. Kimball says that after Elijah went back to town
yesterday afternoon he went up to Judge Fitch's office an' Judge Fitch
said if we had a paper of our own he'd be more than willin' to write a
editorial occasionally himself, a editorial as would open the
president's eyes to the true hiddenness of things, an' set the German
emperor to thinkin', an' give the czar some insight into what America
knows about _him_.
"Mr. Kimball says this is the day of consolidation an' if we had a paper
the Cherry Ponders an' all the Clightville people'd naturally join in
an' take it too. He says he's figured that if he can start out with a
hundred paid-up subscribers of a dollar each he can make a go of it. He
says Elijah says set him up the press an' _he_ don't ask no better fun
than to live on bread an' water while he jumps from peak to peak of
fame, but Mr. Kimball says Elijah's young an' limber an' he shall want
the paid-up subscriptions himself afore he begins to transport a
printin' press around the country.
"I told him he could count on you an' me takin' one between us before I
knowed what was really the main object of his visit, an' then when he
come out with what _was_ the main object of his visit, an' when I sensed
what he was after I must say I considered as he should have made that
his first word an' give me my paper for nothin',--seein' as the whole of
the thing is got to rest right on me, for I don't know what _is_ the
bottom of a newspaper if it ain't the woman as boards the editor. Yes,
Mrs. Lathrop, that's my view in a nutshell, the more so as Mr. Kimball
openly says as Elijah Doxey says he's a genius an' can't live in any
house where there's other folks or any noise but his own. Mr. Kimball
said it seemed as if a good angel had made me for the town to turn to in
its bitter need an' that it was on me as the new newspaper would have to
build its reputation in its first sore strait; an' he said too as he
would in confidence remark as my influence on Elijah's ideas would be
what he should be really lookin' to to make the paper a success, for he
says as Elijah is very young an' will be wax in my hands an' I can mold
him an' public opinion right along together. He said he really did n't
look for him to be any great trouble to feed because he'd be out pickin'
up items most of the time, an' then too, he says he can always give him
a handful of his new brand of dried apples as is advertised to be most
puffin' an' fillin'; why, do you know, Mrs. Lathrop, he told me as he'd
developed the process now to where if you eat two small pieces you feel
like you never wanted another Thanksgivin' dinner as long as you live."
"And so--" asked Mrs. Lathrop eagerly, Susan pausing an instant for
breath just here.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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