Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. LathropWarner, Anne
General
Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop
Warner, Anne
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"I 've thought 's it 'll be a nice idea to take her father's cane for
a present; it 'll surely come very handy to her,--'f she 's alive a
_tall_,--'n' since Mr. Kimball over-persuaded me into buyin' one o'
them patent carpet-beaters, it ain't no manner o' service to me. Not
's I ain't sure 't I don't really prefer the cane to the patent, but I
've paid for the new thing 'n' I ain't goin' to go to work to make
myself feel 's I 've wasted my money. The carpet-beater ain 't up to
Mr. Kimball's talk by long odds, 'n' so far from turnin' into a
egg-beater in the wink of your eye like he promised, you 've got to
grip it fast between your knees 'n' get your back ag'in a flour-bin to
turn it into anythin' a _tall_. 'N' then when it does turn, so far
from bein' a joy it lets up so quick 't you find yourself most
anywhere. Mrs. Craig was gettin' her brace ag'in the hen-house, 'n'
when it let up she sat down so sudden 't she smashed the henhouse 'n'
a whole settin' o' duck-eggs not to speak of the hen between. Mrs.
Macy says 't seein' 's she has more eggs 'n carpets, she jus' beats
her carpets with the egg end 'n' don't fuss to change ever. Mrs.
Fisher says what puts her out is 't the ring 's you slide up to close
the whisks for killin' flies won't stay up, 'n the flies don't get
killed but jus' get hit so they buzz without stoppin' from then on.
Mrs. Jilkins says right out 's she considers the whole thing a
swindle, 'n' 'f Mr. Kimball was n't rentin' his store o' her brother
she sh'd tell him so to his face. She says the three-inch measure on
the handle 's too short to be o' any real service on a farm, 'n' her
opinion is 't Mr. Kimball keeps his sample dipped in kerosene or he
never could snap it in 'n' out so quick. Anyhow it all comes in the
end to the fact 't, havin' bought it, I 'll work it 'f I die f'r it,
'n' so Cousin Marion c'n have the cane, 'n' may she be everlastin'ly
happy usin' it. I did n't get my trunk down 'cause I 'll have Friday
to pack anyhow, 'n' any one c'n slide a trunk down a ladder any time,
but nobody can't never slide nothin' up nowhere. Besides, I sh'd look
like a fool puttin' back a trunk 't I 'd hauled out to visit a cousin
who like enough died afore I was born, 'n' I ain't no fool,--never was
'n' never will be."
There was a short stop for a fresh supply of breath.
"I wonder 'f--" began Mrs. Lathrop.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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