Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"I d'n know, I'm sure, Mrs. Lathrop," Susan went on, the discontent
ringing somewhat more distinctly in her tone, "as I'm much taken with
this idea of building us over, even if Jathrop does mean it kindly. I
know there's a many as would nigh to go out of their senses at the very
idea of being made over new for nothing, but I was never one to go out
of my senses easy, and that young man on the woodpile doesn't give me
any kind of secure feeling as to what he'll make out of my house. He
looks to me like the kind of young man as will open doors square across
windows where the knob'll smash the glass sure if you're trying to carry
a bureau out at the time of the house-cleaning. The kind of cravats he's
got looks to me like his chimneys would be very likely not to draw, and
their color gives me a feeling that doughnuts in his house will smell in
shut-up closets a week after the frying. You know what shut-up fryings
is like after they've had no fresh air for a week, but I wasn't raised
that way. When I have fish I have fish and done with it, and when I have
onions I have onions, and I ain't very wild over maybe boarding my fish
and my onions in my best bonnet henceforth and forever.
"Mrs. Brown was telling me yesterday as she heard of some city woman as
had a system of ventilation put into her house, and the rats and mice
used it so freely that you couldn't sleep nights. They nested in it, and
they fought in it, and they died in it, all as happy and gay as you
please, and the family had to have it picked out of the walls in the end
and all new paper put on. That's the kind of ideas young men call modern
improvements, and that young man on the woodpile is about as modern and
improving as they make 'em, I take it.
"I can't say what it is about that young man that I don't like, but,
being as I'm always frank and open with you, I will remark that so far I
ain't found one thing about him as I _do_ like. He's been down cellar
hammering on the wall wherever the wind blew him to listeth to hammer,
and I had to sit up-stairs and listen without no chance to blow myself.
I caught him down on all fours this morning peeking under my front
porch, and he didn't even have the manners to blush. As to the way he
makes free with the outside of _your_ house, I wouldn't waste breath
with trying to tell you, but my own feeling is that an architect learns
his trade on a tight-rope to judge from that young man's manner, and
from what I've seen while he was swinging by one arm from your premises,
I wouldn't feel safe to take a bath even on top of a chimney, myself."
Susan rose at this and went to the window and looked out; from her
expression as she turned, it was plain to be seen that the artist was
still at his task.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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