Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' AffairsWarner, Anne
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Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs
Warner, Anne
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"Well, if you 'll keep still 'n' let me talk I 'll tell you," said Miss
Clegg; "I had to keep still while he told me, 'n' the Bible 's authority
for sayin' as what man has done woman can always do too if she has a
mind to.--Well, he says then he bent the end of the pole around 'n' tied
it hard to one of the uprights of the shed so it was sprung around in a
terrible dangerous manner 'n' he says when he got it all tied, he looked
up at the window 'n' why she did n't come out he can't to this day see.
But she did n't--just stayed bobbin' around over her labels 'n' pastin'.
Well, he says o' course he wa'n't in no hurry to go on to next part, so
he dragged the grin'stone out in plain view of her 'n' begun 'n'
sharpened a hatchet most awful sharp. He thought as the hatchet would
bring her anyhow, but still she did n't come out,--jus' stuck to her
stickin' there in the window. I can't well see why he looked for her to
come out because my view would be as if you did n't want a man aroun',
the more ropes an' hatchets he was inclined to the more I 'd let him tie
'n' sharpen, but old Mrs. Ely was always another parts o' speech from
me. She never could eat her own chickens, they say, nor sausage her own
pigs, 'n' I s'pose he knowed her tender spots aforehand 'n' was layin'
for 'em. Anyhow, to go back to him 'n' the grin'stone, he says you can't
under no circumstances keep on sharpenin' a hatchet forever, 'n' so
after a while he _had_ to go on to the next part. He says he was
beginnin' to feel kind o' shaky, but he took more line 'n' made a
slip-noose 'n' tied it hard 'n' fast to the pole. He says he looked up
real bright 'n' hopeful then, but still she did n't come out, 'n' he
says he slid it up over his arm two or three times so she could n't but
see as it was a noose too. Oh, my, but he says he did begin to feel mad
at her then,--he says it wa'n't in reason as any man 'd be pleased at a
woman's smilin' out of a window at him fixin' a noose in plain sight. He
says he 'll leave it to any one dead or alive to get into his skin 'n'
enjoy the way he was beginnin' to feel, but o' course he had to keep on
with his plan, 'n' he says next he laid the hatchet handy an' set down
(Oh, my, but he says the ground sent up a cold chill up his back!) 'n'
tied his feet to the other upright. Well, he says that foot-tyin' was no
joke, for he says he must of took fifteen minutes to it, for he was jus'
about wild by this time, not knowin' what he _would_ do if she did n't
come out _now_. He says no one knows what it is to begin a thing as you
count on _surely_ havin' stopped 'n' then not be stopped a _tall_. He
says as the sentiments as he begun to get was too awful for any ordinary
words 'n' he would scorn to use the words as could describe 'em even if
he knowed any such. Well, he says, at last, when he was through tyin'
his feet, he turned 'n' looked at the window 'n' if she wa'n't gone to
put up the jars, so he had no choice but to sit there on that cold
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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