Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' AffairsWarner, Anne
General
Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs
Warner, Anne
Humorous stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
"Well! Mrs. Grummel said it was like a flash o' thunder splittin' clean
through the air. She said her husband never quit saying to his dying day
as that was the smartest thing as Luther Law ever said, considerin' how
little time he had to think, 'n' it was the only thing in the wide world
as he could of said, too. She said she told that story all over town,
'n' no one could ever decide which was the smartest, Rufus or Luther
Law; 'cause even if Luther Law did find a way out, it was such a
astonishin' thing as he did that Rufus got a sight o' credit out of
comin' as nigh to stickin' him as _he_ did. A good many people begun to
say then as he was too superior for a small town;--old Dr. Lumb said as
to his order o' thinkin' he 'd ought to move near to some place where
he'd have professors to talk to.
"Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kitts give her to understand, though, as there was
a 'nother side to Rufus even then, 'n' it begun to crop out mighty
young, too. Mrs. Kitts said she would n't mention it only in confidence,
but Mr. Tilley, of the drug-store where Rufus was, told _her_ as he'd be
only too glad to see Rufus move _anywhere_, whether it had professors to
talk to or not. Mr. Tilley said his ideas was far too advanced for a
small town. Mr. Tilley said he could n't find the easiest things after
Rufus had got 'em labelled in Latin, 'n' he said it wasn't practical to
classify no drug-store without a rollin' step-ladder anyhow. Then there
came up the Kelly cat, 'n' on account of the Kellys havin' money the
Kelly cat come nigh to endin' Rufus. I never hear about the Kelly cat
afore, but seems as the Kelly cat was ailin' 'n' the Kellys took it to
Rufus for catnip, 'n' Rufus got to discoursin' with Bessy on how if
you're born under Venus with Mars gettin' up you're bound to marry
whoever you love, 'n' he clean forgot what ailed the cat 'n' tried to
give her ipecac as if she was croupy instead o' bein' droopy. The cat
knowed ipecac even if Rufus did n't, 'n' she bounced out from between
him 'n' Bessy 'n' bounced into the winder 'n' busted the big bottle full
o' green. Rufus said it was a fit, 'n' he got a hair-oil bottle as gives
you a nickel nose of your own for nothin', 'n' he put the nose on the
ipecac 'n' got the whole down the cat so far that she come nigh to
swallowin' the nose. Mrs. Macy said Mrs. Kelly never felt to forgive
Rufus, 'n' it set her deader 'n' ever agin' him, but, lor, Bessy was too
head over heels in love to care about cats or ipecac. She was as sure
Rufus was superior as any one could be, 'n' every one knowed what was up
as well as she 'n' Rufus did. Mrs. Macy said as every one said as a
superior young man must marry money or he could n't in reason stay
superior long, 'n' Rufus was dead set on stayin' superior, so they was
married the next spring 'n' moved to the city, 'n' they did n't come
back till it was plain as Mr. Kelly 'd have to support 'em or let Bessy
starve on Rufus's superiority."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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