"I mean just that, Suzanna," she said. "Maizie can't easily follow all
your imaginings; and I have enough to do without always trying to keep
the peace between you."
Suzanna stood perfectly still. The color rose to her temples, while the
dark eyes flashed. Waves of emotion swept through her. Emotions she
could not express. At last in a tense voice she spoke: "I wish I wasn't
your child, Mother."
"Go at once to your room," said Mrs. Procter, "and stay there till I
tell you you may come down again."
With no word Suzanna turned, went slowly up the stairs again, drew a
chair to the window and sat down. She was flaming under a bitter sense
of injustice. With all the intensity of her nature for the moment she
hated the entire world.
Time passed. She heard sounds downstairs, Maizie going out to play in
the yard with Peter; her mother singing the baby to sleep, and still
Suzanna sat near the window, and still her small heart beat resentfully.
Later, she heard her father's voice. Perhaps he cared for her. But even
of this she was not sure. Then she sat up very straight. Someone was
coming up the stairs.
It was Maizie. The little girl slowly opened the bedroom door, peeped
cautiously in, and then on tiptoes approached Suzanna. "Mother says,"
she began, "that you're to come down to lunch."
"I don't want any lunch," said Suzanna. The bright color still stained
her cheek. "You can just go downstairs and eat up everything in the
house, and be sure and tell mother I said so."
Maizie looked her awe at this defiant sister. Downstairs she returned to
deliver verbatim Suzanna's message.
Suzanna sat on. From bitter disillusion felt against everything in her
world her mind chilled to analysis. Her mother loved her, she believed,
and yet--she did not complete her swift thought; indeed, she looked
quickly about in fear of her disloyalty. She had once thought that
mothers were perfect, rare beings removed worlds from other mere
mortals. Hadn't she, when a very small girl of four, been quite unable
to comprehend that mother was a mere human being? "Mother is just
mother," she had said in her baby way, and that sentence spelled all the
devotion and admiration of a pure little heart for one enshrined within
it.
And now mother had fallen short. Mother had disappointed that
desperately loving, intense soul. The tears started to her eyes. It was
as though on this second tucked-in day an epoch had come marking the day
for all time, placing it by itself as containing an experience never to
be forgotten.
After a time she realized she was hungry. So she went quietly to the top
of the stairs, but no sound came up from below.
Some clock struck one, and then Suzanna heard running footsteps mounting
the stairs. She sat straight and gazed out of the window. She knew the
moment her mother entered the room, but she did not turn her head.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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