“It's only the Gardener!” the Vice-Warden replied in an encouraging
tone. “Quite harmless, I assure you. Hark, he's singing! Its his
favorite amusement.”
And once more those shrill discordant tones rang out:--
“He thought he saw a Banker's Clerk
Descending from the bus:
He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus:
'If this should stay to dine,' he said,
'There won't be mutch for us!'”
Throwing away the spade, he broke into a frantic jig, snapping his
fingers, and repeating, again and again,
“There won't be much for us!
There won't be much for us!”
{Image...It was a hippoptamus}
Once more the Baron looked slightly offended, but the Vice-Warden
hastily explained that the song had no allusion to him, and in fact had
no meaning at all. “You didn't mean anything by it, now did you?”
He appealed to the Gardener, who had finished his song, and stood,
balancing himself on one leg, and looking at them, with his mouth open.
“I never means nothing,” said the Gardener: and Uggug luckily came up at
the moment, and gave the conversation a new turn.
“Allow me to present my son,” said the Vice-warden; adding, in a
whisper, “one of the best and cleverest boys that ever lived! I'll
contrive for you to see some of his cleverness. He knows everything that
other boys don't know; and in archery, in fishing, in painting, and
in music, his skill is--but you shall judge for yourself. You see that
target over there? He shall shoot an arrow at it. Dear boy,” he went on
aloud, “his Adiposity would like to see you shoot. Bring his Highness'
bow and arrows!”
Uggug looked very sulky as he received the bow and arrow, and prepared
to shoot. Just as the arrow left the bow, the Vice-Warden trod heavily
on the toe of the Baron, who yelled with the pain.
“Ten thousand pardons!” he exclaimed. “I stepped back in my excitement.
See! It is a bull's-eye!”
The Baron gazed in astonishment. “He held the bow so awkwardly, it
seemed impossible!” he muttered. But there was no room for doubt: there
was the arrow, right in the centre of the bull's-eye!
“The lake is close by,” continued the Vice-warden. “Bring his Highness'
fishing-rod!” And Uggug most unwillingly held the rod, and dangled the
fly over the water.
“A beetle on your arm!” cried my Lady, pinching the poor Baron's
arm worse than if ten lobsters had seized it at once. “That kind is
poisonous,” she explained. “But what a pity! You missed seeing the fish
pulled out!”
An enormous dead cod-fish was lying on the bank, with the hook in its
mouth.
“I had always fancied,” the Baron faltered, “that cod were salt-water
fish?”
“Not in this country,” said the Vice-Warden. “Shall we go in? Ask my son
some question on the way any subject you like!” And the sulky boy was
violently shoved forwards, to walk at the Baron's side.
“Could your Highness tell me,” the Baron cautiously began, “how much
seven times nine would come to?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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