"Hicks," said Head Coach Patrick Henry Corridan, gazing at the mountain of muscle, "if _size_ means anything, you have brought old Bannister an entire football squad! What splendid material to train for the Big Games, why--he will be irresistible!" CHAPTER IV QUOTING SCOOP SAWYER'S LETTER "I didn't raise my _Ford_ to be a _jitney_-- To run the streets, and stay out late at night! Who dares to put a jitney sign, upon it-- And send my _peace-ship_ out for fares to fight?" T. Haviland Hicks, Jr., standing by his open window at 3 P. M. one afternoon a week after his sensational return to Bannister College, with the "Prodigious Prodigy" in tow, indulged in the soul-satisfying pastime of twanging his banjo, and roaring, in his subterranean voice, a parody on "I Didn't Raise My Boy to be a Soldier." It was actually the first Caruso-like outburst of the pestersome youth that year, but his saengerfest brought vociferous howls of protest from campus and dormitories: "_Bow-wow-wow_! The Grand Opery season is starting!" "Sing some records for a talking-machine company, Hicks!" "Kill that tom-cat! Listen to the back-fence musicale!" "Say, Hicks--we'll take your word for that noise!" On the Gym. steps, loafing a few moments before jogging out to Bannister Field for a strenuous scrimmage under the personal supervision of Slave-Driver Corridan, the Gold and Green football squad had gathered. It was from these stalwart gridiron gladiators that the caustic criticism of T. Haviland Hicks, Jr.'s, vocal atrocities emanated, and the imitation of a mournful hound by "Ichabod," the skyscraping Senior, was indeed phenomenal. Added to the howls, whistles, jeers, and shouts of the squad, were like condemnations from other collegians, sky-larking on the campus, or in the dorms. "At that," grinned Captain Butch Brewster happily, "it surely makes me feel jubilant to hear Hicks' foghorn voice shattering the echoes, with his banjo strumming disturbing the peace--for which offense it shall soon be arrested. We can truly say that old Bannister is now officially opened for another year, for T. Haviland Hicks, Jr., has performed his annual rite--" "Right--!" scoffed big Pudge Langdon, indignantly, as he gazed up at the happy-go-lucky youth, at the window of his room on the third-floor, campus side, of Bannister Hall, "Hicks ought to be tarred and feathered; there is _nothing right_ in the way he has acted since his return to college! He struts around like Herman, the Master-Magician, and all the fellows fully expect to see him produce white rabbits from his cap, or make varicolored flags out of his handkerchief."