"One," he continued, "there was power to them. Two, to attract attention. Three, this boy is an asshole." I wrote, "Asshole," and drew a circle around the word. Then I wrote, "ok but it is me. so, fine." A few minutes later Rama said, "Fake obvious things fool everybody." Then he said, "Humans are continually knocking on your door. As long as they are alive, they try and suck your power. You need to get strategic and learn to intensely dislike them. Cut them. Push them away--anything to get them to fuck off." I wrote, "cold." About an hour later, Rama had us watch The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai on the VCR. I sat several feet back from the group. After the movie Rama announced, "Someone is way off. Can anyone see who it is?" The disciples glanced at me. "Of course, you all know that it's Agni. Now what's the matter, baby?" I told him that things in my life were not working out. I told him that I needed to try something new. "If you wish to leave, please don't bring everyone else down." "Sorry, Rama." When I got home, I wrote, "good. i feel much better already. keep breathing. slow. keep remembering Mark Eliot, is the breather. Before he met any of these people he was the breather; so too after. Before he dreamed himself into a don Juan/CC [Carlos Castaneda] world extravagansa...Fred--he's cool. But he was formatted improperly by a bad occultist. Simple. He also wanted to be a Guru, told me so in a UCSD parking lot. But cool guy. Powerful attention level. Controls every situation impeccably. cares about others what seems to be an enormous amount. Yet detached. cold. warm. whatever he was projecting. A master illusionist. Created/s dreams & realities with the flick of a wrist. This has not been healthy for me. 7 years occult training school has wiped me. Nothing wrong with it-- taught by an impeccable 8th degree Black belt; only, I don't handle it too well. So, I recognize i tried something, and it didn't work. I have the humility to realize that it isn't working for me. And for God sakes, try new things in your life, as FDR says. But Fred is definitely bent out of shape. 'Let your hate grow,' devil ref's, paranoia... Not to blame him. Had weak 1st attention as a kid. Dad...Teacher bent. Important: i believe that the good side of Fred respects what I am doing & wishes me well. i have no desire to speak or see anyone with whom I didn't know 7 1/2 years ago...Still coming down, here, from 3 hits of 6-7?th Acid trip. Good thing. boy does that stuff make me sick! good for changing though. thrown away much unk stuff!...The journey, Eliot Mark Laxer, has just begun! Don't turn back! Go! & keep moving. I have graduated (7 yrs) an EKATEST [Electric Koolaid Acid Test]! Congrad!"