John, meanwhile, sat collapsed, his chin sunk upon his chest, his mind in
abeyance. The smell of the cab was still faintly present to his senses,
and a certain leaden chill about his feet, all else had disappeared in
one vast oppression of calamity and physical faintness. It was drawing
on to noon—two-and-twenty hours since he had broken bread; in the
interval, he had suffered tortures of sorrow and alarm, and been partly
tipsy; and though it was impossible to say he slept, yet when the cab
stopped and the cabman thrust his head into the window, his attention had
to be recalled from depths of vacancy.
‘If you’ll no’ _stand_ me a dram,’ said the driver, with a well-merited
severity of tone and manner, ‘I dare say ye’ll have no objection to my
taking one mysel’?’
‘Yes—no—do what you like,’ returned John; and then, as he watched his
tormentor mount the stairs and enter the whisky-shop, there floated into
his mind a sense as of something long ago familiar. At that he started
fully awake, and stared at the shop-fronts. Yes, he knew them; but when?
and how? Long since, he thought; and then, casting his eye through the
front glass, which had been recently occluded by the figure of the
jarvey, he beheld the tree-tops of the rookery in Randolph Crescent. He
was close to home—home, where he had thought, at that hour, to be sitting
in the well-remembered drawing-room in friendly converse; and, instead—!
It was his first impulse to drop into the bottom of the cab; his next, to
cover his face with his hands. So he sat, while the cabman toasted the
publican, and the publican toasted the cabman, and both reviewed the
affairs of the nation; so he still sat, when his master condescended to
return, and drive off at last down-hill, along the curve of Lynedoch
Place; but even so sitting, as he passed the end of his father’s street,
he took one glance from between shielding fingers, and beheld a doctor’s
carriage at the door.
‘Well, just so,’ thought he; ‘I’ll have killed my father! And this is
Christmas-day!’
If Mr. Nicholson died, it was down this same road he must journey to the
grave; and down this road, on the same errand, his wife had preceded him
years before; and many other leading citizens, with the proper trappings
and attendance of the end. And now, in that frosty, ill-smelling,
straw-carpeted, and ragged-cushioned cab, with his breath congealing on
the glasses, where else was John himself advancing to?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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