THE latter having well the project weighed, Now changed his plan, and other schemes surveyed; Proposed within himself revenge to take, With less parade:--less noise it then would make, And better fruit the action would produce, Than if he were apparently profuse. Said he to Alice, go and seek his wife; To her relate the whole that caused our strife; Minutely all from first to last detail; And then the better on her to prevail, To hasten here, you'll hint that you have fears, That Andrew risks the loss of--more than ears, For I have punishment severe in view, Which greatly she must wish I should not do; But if an ear-maker, like this, is caught, The worst of chastisement is always sought; Such horrid things as scarcely can be said: They make the hair to stand upon the head; That he's upon the point of suff'ring straight, And only for her presence things await; That though she cannot all proceedings stay, Perhaps she may some portion take away. Go, bring her instantly, haste quickly, run; And, if she comes, I'll pardon what's been done. WITH joy to Andrew's house fair Alice went; The wife to follow her appeared content; Quite out of breath, alone she ran up stairs, And, not perceiving him who shared her cares; Believed he was imprisoned in a room; And while with fear she trembled for his doom; The master (having laid aside his arms) Now came to compliment the lady's charms; He gave the belle a chair, who looked most nice:-- Said he, ingratitude's the worst of vice; To me your husband has been wondrous kind; So many services has done I find, That, ere you leave this house, I'd wish to make A little return, and this you will partake. When I was absent from my loving dear, Obligingly he made her babe an ear. The compliment of course I must admire; Retaliation is what I desire, And I've a thought:--your children all have got The nose a little short, which is a blot; A fault within the mould no doubt's the cause, Which I can mend, and any other flaws. The business now let's execute I pray, On which the dame he took without delay, And placed her near where Andrew hid his head, Then 'gan to operate as he was led.