THE father of my wife, who's now no more, (Heav'n guard his soul, the loss I oft deplore,) A prudent honest man as any round, To calm my mind, a nice specifick found; The pill was rather bitter, I admit; But gilding made it for the stomach fit, Which he knew how to manage very well: No doctor in it him could e'er excel; To satisfy my scruples he displayed A CONTRACT (duly stamped and ably made), Four thousand to secure, which he had got, On similar occasion for a blot; His lady's father gave it to efface Domestick diff'rences and like disgrace: With this my spouse's fortune he increased; And instantly my dire complaining ceased. From family to family the deed Should pass, 'twill often prove a useful meed; I kept it for the purpose:--do the same Your daughter, married, may have equal blame. On this the son-in-law the bond received, And, with a bow, departed much relieved. MAY Heav'n preserve from trouble those who find, At cheaper rate, to be consoled inclined. THE QUID PRO QUO; OR THE MISTAKES DAME FORTUNE often loves a laugh to raise, And, playing off her tricks and roguish ways, Instead of giving us what we desire, Mere quid pro quo permits us to acquire. I've found her gambols such from first to last, And judge the future by experience past. Fair Cloris and myself felt mutual flame; And, when a year had run, the sprightly dame Prepared to grant me, if I may be plain, Some slight concessions that would ease my pain. This was her aim; but whatsoe'er in view, 'Tis opportunity we should pursue; The lover, who's discreet, will moments seize; And ev'ry effort then will tend to please. ONE eve I went this charming fair to see; The husband happened (luckily for me) To be abroad; but just as it was night The master came, not doubting all was right; No Cloris howsoe'er was in the way; A servant girl, of disposition gay, Well known to me, with pretty smiling face, 'Tis said, was led to take her lady's place. The mistress' loss for once was thus repaid; The barter mutual:--wife against the maid.