THE friends disputed which the lead should take, And strong pretentions both appeared to make; The husband, honours home would not allow: Such compliments were out of fashion now. To settle this, at length three dice they took; The friend was highest placed in Fortune's book. The both together to the cavern flew, And for the servant soon impatient grew; But Alice never came, and in her room The mistress, softly treading 'mid the gloom, The necessary signal gently gave, On which she entered presently the cave, And this so suddenly, no time was found To make remarks on change or errors round, Or any diff'rence 'tween the friend and spouse; In short, before suspicions 'gan to rouse, Or alteration lent the senses aid:-- To LOVE, a sacrifice was fully made. The lucky wight more pleasure would have felt, If sensible he'd been with whom he dealt: The mistress rather more of beauty had, And QUALITY of course must something add. THIS scene just ended, t'other actor came, Whose prompt arrival much surprised the dame, For, as a husband, Clidamant had ne'er Such ardour shown, he seemed beyond his sphere. The lady to the girl imputed this, And thought, to hint it, would not be amiss. THE entertainment o'er, away they went To quit the dark abode they were intent. The partner in amour repaired above; But when the husband saw his wedded love Ascend the stairs, and she the friend perceived, We well may judge how bosoms beat and heaved. THE master of the house conceived it best To keep the whole a secret in his breast. But to discover ALL, his lovely rib Appeared disposed, though wives can often fib; The silliest of the throng (or high or low), Most perfectly the science seem to know. SOME will pretend that Alice, in her heart Was sorry she had acted such a part, And not a better method sought to gain The money which had caused her master's pain; Lamented much the case, and tried to please By ev'ry means that might his trouble ease. But this is merely with design to make The tale a more impressive feature take.