Introduction CHAP. I. Originality of Irish Bulls examined II. Irish Newspapers III. The Criminal Law of Bulls and Blunders IV. Little Dominick V. The Bliss of Ignorance VI. “Thoughts that breathe, and Words that burn” VII. Practical Bulls VIII. The Dublin Shoeblack IX. The Hibernian Mendicant X. Irish Wit and Eloquence XI. The Brogue XII. Bath Coach Conversation XIII. Bath Coach Conversation XIV. The Irish Incognito Conclusion Appendix Footnotes AN ESSAY ON THE NOBLE SCIENCE OF SELF-JUSTIFICATION ENNUI THE DUN CASTLE RACKRENT _Monday Morning_.[A] Having, out of friendship for the family, upon whose estate, praised be Heaven! I and mine have lived rent-free, time out of mind, voluntarily undertaken to publish the MEMOIRS of the RACKRENT FAMILY, I think it my duty to say a few words, in the first place, concerning myself. My real name is Thady Quirk, though in the family I have always been known by no other than “_honest Thady_”--afterward, in the time of Sir Murtagh, deceased, I remember to hear them calling me “_old Thady_,” and now I’m come to “poor Thady;” for I wear a long great coat[1] winter and summer, which is very handy, as I never put my arms into the sleeves; they are as good as new, though come Holantide next I’ve had it these seven years; it holds on by a single button round my neck, cloak fashion. To look at me, you would hardly think “poor Thady” was the father of attorney Quirk; he is a high gentleman, and never minds what poor Thady says, and having better than fifteen hundred a year, landed estate, looks down upon honest Thady; but I wash my hands of his doings, and as I have lived so will I die, true and loyal to the family. The family of the Rackrents is, I am proud to say, one of the most ancient in the kingdom. Every body knows this is not the old family name, which was O’Shaughlin, related to the kings of Ireland--but that was before my time. My grandfather was driver to the great Sir Patrick O’Shaughlin, and I heard him, when I was a boy, telling how the Castle Rackrent estate came to Sir Patrick; Sir Tallyhoo Rackrent was cousin-german to him, and had a fine estate of his own, only never a gate upon it, it being his maxim that a car was the best gate. Poor gentleman! he lost a fine hunter and his life, at last, by it, all in one day’s hunt. But I ought to bless that day, for the estate came straight into _the_ family, upon one condition, which Sir Patrick O’Shaughlin at the time took sadly to heart, they say, but thought better of it afterwards, seeing how large a stake depended upon it, that he should, by act of parliament, take and bear the surname and arms of Rackrent.