I soon grew vain of my fears. My antipathy, my _natural_, positively
natural antipathy to the sight or bare idea of a Jew, was talked of
by ladies and by gentlemen; it was exhibited to all my mother’s
acquaintance, learned and unlearned; it was a medical, it was a
metaphysical wonder, it was an _idiosyncrasy_, corporeal, or mental, or
both; it was--in short, more nonsense was talked about it than I will
repeat, though I perfectly remember it all; for the importance of which
at this period I became to successive circles of visitors fixed every
circumstance and almost every word indelibly in my memory. It was a
pity that I was not born some years earlier or later, for I should have
flourished a favourite pupil of Mesmer, the animal magnetizer, or
I might at this day be a celebrated somnambulist. No, to do myself
justice, I really had no intention to deceive, at least originally;
but, as it often happens with those who begin by being dupes, I was in
imminent danger of becoming a knave. How I escaped it, I do not well
know. For here, a child scarce seven years old, I saw myself surrounded
by grown-up wise people, who were accounting different ways for that,
of which I alone knew the real, secret, simple cause. They were all,
without my intending it, my dupes. Yet when I felt that I had them in
my power, I did not deceive them much, not much more than I deceived
myself. I never was guilty of deliberate imposture. I went no farther
than affectation and exaggeration, which it was in such circumstances
scarcely possible for me to avoid; for I really often did not know the
difference between my own feelings, and the descriptions I heard given
of what I felt.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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