For a while I struggled steadfastly against the
passionate impulse; its indulgence I felt would be madness, and could
result but in misery. What folly for the penniless soldier, even
though time and her father's protection should convert him into an
equally penniless officer, to raise his eyes to the rich, the
beautiful, the brilliant daughter of the Count de Bellechasse!
Rejection, ridicule, contempt, could be the sole recompense of such
presumption. M. de Bellechasse, although an officer of Napoleon's, is
of old French nobility; his wealth is very great; and if he still
continues to serve, it is solely from enthusiastic love of his
profession. His daughter is a match for the first in the land. All
these and many more such arguments did I again and again repeat to
myself; but when had reason a chance against love? Repeatedly did I
vow to forget the fair vision that had crossed my path and troubled
my repose, or to think of her only as the phantom of a dream,
unsubstantial and unattainable. But the resolution was scarcely
formed, when I found myself dwelling on her perfections,
recapitulating the few gentle words she had addressed to me, recalling
her voice, her look, her gesture. One moment, in view of the precipice
on whose brink I stood, I swore to shun her perilous presence, and to
avert my eyes should I again find myself in it: not an hour afterwards
I eagerly seized a pretext that led me to her father's house, and
afforded me the possibility of another glimpse of my idol. Such
glimpses were not difficult to obtain. The colonel's partiality to me
daily increased, and when I went to him on regimental matters, and he
was alone with his wife and daughter, he would receive me in the
drawing-room in their presence, and waiving for the time the
difference of grade, would converse with me as affably as with an
equal, and make me repeat, for the amusement of the ladies, some of
our African skirmishes and adventures. Doubtless I should have
avoided these dangerous interviews, but how was it to be done without
an appearance of ingratitude and discourtesy? Truth to tell, I taxed
my invention but little for means of escaping them. I continued to see
Bertha, and at each interview my passion gathered strength. She
listened with marked attention to my anecdotes of our campaigns. These
I always addressed to her father or mother; but without looking at
her, I could feel her eyes fixed upon me with an expression of
interest, and, I at last ventured to think, of a more tender feeling.
About this time the colonel frequently kept me for hours together at
his house, arranging regimental papers and accounts, in a room upon
the ground floor, set apart for the purpose. Within this room is
another, used as a library; and thus it happened that one day, when
immersed in states and muster-rolls, I beheld the door open, and the
fairy form of Bertha upon the threshold. She appeared confused at
seeing me; I rose and bowed in silence as she passed through the
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