Yet all this made a stronger impression on me than the most eloquent and convincing pessimistic books and speeches, of which I had and have read not a few, both earlier and later, and still read to this day. And this, you see, was because the agony of a dying person is much more natural and violent than the most minute and picturesque descriptions of death. I felt really wretched, more from cold than from the words of my neighbour. I groaned softly and gnashed my teeth. And almost at the same moment I felt two little arms about me--one of them touched my neck and the other lay upon my face, and at the same time an anxious, gentle, friendly voice uttered the question: "What ails thee?" I was ready to believe that someone was asking me this and not Natasha, who had just declared that all men were scoundrels, and expressing a wish for their destruction. But she it was, and now she began speaking quickly, hurriedly. "What ails thee, eh? Art cold? Art frozen? Ah, what a one thou art, sitting there so silent like a little owl! Why, thou shouldst have told me long ago that thou wert cold. Come ... lie on the ground ... stretch thyself out and I will lie ... there! how's that? Now put your arms round me!... tighter! How's that! thou shouldst be warm very soon now ... And then we'll lie back to back.... The night will pass so quickly, see if it won't I say ... hast thou too been drinking?... turned out of thy place, eh?... It doesn't matter." And she comforted me ... She encouraged me. May I be thrice accursed! What a world of irony was in this single fact for me! Just imagine! Here was I, seriously occupied at this very time with the destiny of humanity, thinking of the re-organization of the social system, of political revolutions, reading all sorts of devilishly-wise books whose abysmal profundity was certainly unfathomable by their very authors--at this very time, I say, I was trying with all my might to make of myself "a potent active social force." It even seemed to me that I had partially accomplished my object; anyhow, at this time, in my ideas about myself I had got so far as to recognise that I had an exclusive right to exist, that I had the necessary greatness to deserve to live my life, and that I was fully competent to play a great historical part therein. And a venal woman was now warming me with her body, a wretched, battered, hunted creature, who had no place and no value in life, and whom I had never thought of helping till she helped me herself, and whom I really would not have known how to help in any way even if the thought of it had occurred to me. Ah! I was ready to think that all this was happening to me in a dream--in a disagreeable, an oppressive dream.