That the first sight of his writing--the first answer to
his letters--should have come, after three long years, in the shape of
this impersonal line, too curt to be called humble, yet confessing to a
consciousness of the past by the studied avoidance of its language! As
she read, her mind flashed back over what she had dreamed his letters
would be, over the exquisite answers she had composed above his name.
There was nothing exquisite in the conventional lines before her; but
dormant nerves began to throb again at the mere touch of the paper he
had touched, and she threw the little note into the fire before she
dared to reply to it.
Now that he was actually before her again, he became, as usual, the one
live spot in her consciousness. Once more her tormented throbbing self
sank back passive and numb, but now with all its power of suffering
mysteriously transferred to the presence, so known, yet so unknown, at
the opposite corner of her hearth. She was still Lizzie West, and he was
still Vincent Deering; but the Styx rolled between them, and she saw his
face through its fog. It was his face, really, rather than his words,
that told her, as she furtively studied it, the tale of failure and
slow discouragement which had so blurred its handsome lines. She kept
afterward no precise memory of the actual details of his narrative: the
pain it evidently cost him to impart it was so much the sharpest fact
in her new vision of him. Confusedly, however, she gathered that
on reaching America he had found his wife’s small property gravely
impaired; and that, while lingering on to secure what remained of it,
he had contrived to sell a picture or two, and had even known a brief
moment of success, during which he received orders and set up a studio.
But inexplicably the tide had ebbed, his work remained on his hands, and
a tedious illness, with its miserable sequel of debt, soon wiped out his
small advantage. There followed a period of eclipse, still more vaguely
pictured, during which she was allowed to infer that he had tried
his hand at divers means of livelihood, accepting employment from
a fashionable house-decorator, designing wall-papers, illustrating
magazine articles, and acting for a time, she dimly understood, as the
social tout of a new hotel desirous of advertising its restaurant.
These disjointed facts were strung on a slender thread of personal
allusions--references to friends who had been kind (jealously, she
guessed them to be women), and to enemies who had darkly schemed against
him. But, true to his tradition of “correctness,” he carefully avoided
the mention of names, and left her trembling conjectures to grope dimly
through an alien crowded world in which there seemed little room for her
small shy presence.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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