She looked about the room again, as if this thought had given it a new
aspect. Yes, this alone could explain her husband’s going out. It was
past twelve o’clock, their usual luncheon hour, and he was scrupulously
punctual at meals, and gently reproachful if she kept him waiting. Only
some unwonted event could have caused him to leave the house at such
an hour and with such marks of haste. Well, perhaps it was better that
Andora should have spoken. She mistrusted her own courage; she almost
hoped the deed had been done for her. Yet her next sensation was one of
confused resentment. She said to herself, “Why has Andora interfered?”
She felt baffled and angry, as though her prey had escaped her. If
Deering had been in the house, she would have gone to him instantly and
overwhelmed him with her scorn. But he had gone out, and she did not
know where he had gone, and oddly mingled with her anger against him was
the latent instinct of vigilance, the solicitude of the woman accustomed
to watch over the man she loves. It would be strange never to feel that
solicitude again, never to hear him say, with his hand on her hair:
“Why, you foolish child, were you worried? Am I late?”
The sense of his touch was so real that she stiffened herself against
it, flinging back her head as if to throw off his hand. The mere thought
of his caress was hateful; yet she felt it in all her traitorous veins.
Yes, she felt it, but with horror and repugnance. It was something she
wanted to escape from, and the fact of struggling against it was what
made its hold so strong. It was as though her mind were sounding her
body to make sure of its allegiance, spying on it for any secret movement
of revolt.
To escape from the sensation, she rose and went again to the window. No
one was in sight. But presently the gate began to swing back, and her
heart gave a leap--she knew not whether up or down. A moment later the
gate opened slowly to admit a perambulator, propelled by the nurse and
flanked by Juliet and Andora. Lizzie’s eyes rested on the familiar group
as if she had never seen it before, and she stood motionless, instead of
flying down to meet the children.
Suddenly there was a step on the stairs, and she heard Andora’s agitated
knock. She unbolted the door, and was strained to her friend’s emaciated
bosom.
“My darling!” Miss Macy cried. “Remember you have your child--and me!”
Lizzie loosened herself gently. She looked at Andora with a feeling of
estrangement which she could not explain.
“Have you spoken to my husband?” she asked, drawing coldly back.
“Spoken to him? No.” Andora stared at her in genuine wonder.
“Then you haven’t met him since he left me?”
“No, my love. Is he out? I haven’t met him.”
Lizzie sat down with a confused sense of relief, which welled up to her
throat and made speech difficult.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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