Tales of St. Austin'sWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
Tales of St. Austin's
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Humorous stories; Schools -- Fiction
'That pamphlet, of course, caused a considerable stir. Opposing parties
began to be formed, some maintaining that Burkett-Smith was entirely
right, others that he was entirely wrong, while the rest said he might
have been more wrong if he had not been so right, but that if he had
not been so mistaken he would probably have been a great deal more
correct. The great argument put forward by the supporters of what I may
call the "One Author" view, was, that the fight in part two could not
have been written by anyone except the author of the fight with
Flashman in the school-house hall. And this is the point which has led
to all the discussion. Eliminate the Slogger Williams episode, and the
whole of the second part stands out clearly as the work of another
hand. But there is one thing that seems to have escaped the notice of
everybody.'
'Yes?' I said.
He leant forward impressively, and whispered. 'Only the actual fight is
the work of the genuine author. The interference of Arthur has been
interpolated!'
'By Jove!' I said. 'Not really?'
'Yes. Fact, I assure you. Why, think for a minute. Could a man capable
of describing a fight as that fight is described, also be capable of
stopping it just as the man the reader has backed all through is
winning? It would be brutal. Positively brutal, sir!'
'Then, how do you explain it?'
'A year ago I could not have told you. Now I can. For five years I have
been unravelling the mystery by the aid of that one clue. Listen. When
Mr Hughes had finished part one, he threw down his pen and started to
Wales for a holiday. He had been there a week or more, when one day, as
he was reclining on the peak of a mountain looking down a deep
precipice, he was aware of a body of men approaching him. They were
dressed soberly in garments of an inky black. Each had side whiskers,
and each wore spectacles. "Mr Hughes, I believe?" said the leader, as
they came up to him.
'"Your servant, sir," said he.
'"We have come to speak to you on an important matter, Mr Hughes. We
are the committee of the Secret Society For Putting Wholesome
Literature Within The Reach Of Every Boy, And Seeing That He Gets It.
I, sir, am the president of the S.S.F.P.W.L.W.T.R.O.E.B.A.S.T.H.G.I."
He bowed.
'"Really, sir, I--er--don't think I have the pleasure," began Mr
Hughes.
'"You shall have the pleasure, sir. We have come to speak to you about
your book. Our representative has read Part I, and reports unfavourably
upon it. It contains no moral. There are scenes of violence, and your
hero is far from perfect."
'"I think you mistake my object," said Mr Hughes; "Tom is a boy, not a
patent medicine. In other words, he is not supposed to be perfect."
'"Well, I am not here to bandy words. The second part of your book
must be written to suit the rules of our Society. Do you agree, or
shall we throw you over that precipice?"
'"Never. I mean, I don't agree."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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