Tales of the Jazz AgeFitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
General
Tales of the Jazz Age
Fitzgerald, F. Scott (Francis Scott)
Short stories; United States -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction
“When you have to go into the highways and byways----” said the pink
man, looking reproachfully at Baily and Perry.
“Hello, Martin Macy,” said Perry shortly, “where’s this stone-age
champagne?”
“What’s the rush? This isn’t an operation, understand. This is a
party.”
Perry sat down dully and looked disapprovingly at all the neckties.
Baily leisurely opened the door of a wardrobe and brought out six
handsome bottles.
“Take off that darn fur coat!” said Martin Macy to Perry. “Or maybe
you’d like to have us open all the windows.”
“Give me champagne,” said Perry.
“Going to the Townsends’ circus ball to-night?”
“Am not!”
“’Vited?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why not go?”
“Oh, I’m sick of parties,” exclaimed Perry. “I’m sick of ’em. I’ve
been to so many that I’m sick of ’em.”
“Maybe you’re going to the Howard Tates’ party?”
“No, I tell you; I’m sick of ’em.”
“Well,” said Macy consolingly, “the Tates’ is just for college kids
anyways.”
“I tell you----”
“I thought you’d be going to one of ’em anyways. I see by the papers
you haven’t missed a one this Christmas.”
“Hm,” grunted Perry morosely.
He would never go to any more parties. Classical phrases played in his
mind--that side of his life was closed, closed. Now when a man says
“closed, closed” like that, you can be pretty sure that some woman has
double-closed him, so to speak. Perry was also thinking that other
classical thought, about how cowardly suicide is. A noble thought that
one--warm and inspiring. Think of all the fine men we should lose if
suicide were not so cowardly!
An hour later was six o’clock, and Perry had lost all resemblance to
the young man in the liniment advertisement. He looked like a rough
draft for a riotous cartoon. They were singing--an impromptu song of
Baily’s improvisation:
“_One Lump Perry, the parlor snake,
Famous through the city for the way he drinks his tea;
Plays with it, toys with it
Makes no noise with it,
Balanced on a napkin on his well-trained knee--_”
“Trouble is,” said Perry, who had just banged his hair with Baily’s
comb and was tying an orange tie round it to get the effect of Julius
Caesar, “that you fellas can’t sing worth a damn. Soon’s I leave the
air and start singing tenor you start singin’ tenor too.”
“’M a natural tenor,” said Macy gravely. “Voice lacks cultivation,
tha’s all. Gotta natural voice, m’aunt used say. Naturally good
singer.”
“Singers, singers, all good singers,” remarked Baily, who was at the
telephone. “No, not the cabaret; I want night egg. I mean some
dog-gone clerk ’at’s got food--food! I want----”
“Julius Caesar,” announced Perry, turning round from the mirror. “Man
of iron will and stern ’termination.”
“Shut up!” yelled Baily. “Say, iss Mr. Baily. Sen’ up enormous supper.
Use y’own judgment. Right away.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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