THE YOUNG MAN: I don’t boast of sizing you up. You’re most mysterious, I’ll admit. JULIE: There’s only two mysterious people in history. THE YOUNG MAN: Who are they? JULIE: The Man with the Iron Mask and the fella who says “ug uh-glug uh-glug uh-glug” when the line is busy. THE YOUNG MAN: You _are_ mysterious. I love you. You’re beautiful, intelligent, and virtuous, and that’s the rarest known combination. JULIE: You’re a historian. Tell me if there are any bath-tubs in history. I think they’ve been frightfully neglected. THE YOUNG MAN: Bath-tubs! Let’s see. Well, Agamemnon was stabbed in his bath-tub. And Charlotte Corday stabbed Marat in his bath-tub. JULIE: (_Sighing_) Way back there! Nothing new besides the sun, is there? Why only yesterday I picked up a musical-comedy score that must have been at least twenty years old; and there on the cover it said “The Shimmies of Normandy,” but shimmie was spelt the old way, with a “C.” THE YOUNG MAN: I loathe these modern dances. Oh, Lois, I wish I could see you. Come to the window. (_There is a loud bang in the water-pipe and suddenly the flow starts from the open taps. Julie turns them off quickly_) THE YOUNG MAN: (_Puzzled_) What on earth was that? JULIE: (_Ingeniously_) I heard something, too. THE YOUNG MAN: Sounded like running water. JULIE: Didn’t it? Strange like it. As a matter of fact I was filling the gold-fish bowl. THE YOUNG MAN: (_Still puzzled_) What was that banging noise? JULIE: One of the fish snapping his golden jaws. THE YOUNG MAN: (_With sudden resolution_) Lois, I love you. I am not a mundane man but I am a forger-- JULIE: (_Interested at once_) Oh, how fascinating. THE YOUNG MAN:--a forger ahead. Lois, I want you. JULIE: (_Skeptically_) Huh! What you really want is for the world to come to attention and stand there till you give “Rest!” THE YOUNG MAN: Lois I--Lois I-- (_He stops as_ LOIS _opens the door, comes in, and bangs it behind her. She looks peevishly at_ JULIE _and then suddenly catches sight of the young man in the window_) LOIS: (_In horror_) Mr. Calkins! THE YOUNG MAN: (_Surprised_) Why I thought you said you were wearing pinkish white! (_After one despairing stare_ LOIS _shrieks, throws up her hands in surrender, and sinks to the floor._) THE YOUNG MAN: (_In great alarm_) Good Lord! She’s fainted! I’ll be right in. (JULIE’S _eyes light on the towel which has slipped from_ LOIS’S _inert hand._) JULIE: In that case I’ll be right out. (_She puts her hands on the side of the tub to lift herself out and a murmur, half gasp, half sigh, ripples from the audience._ _A Belasco midnight comes quickly down and blots out the stage._) CURTAIN. _FANTASIES_ THE DIAMOND AS BIG AS THE RITZ I