She did not flinch. He perceived with fear that everything around him
was still. She did not move a hair’s breadth; his own body did not stir.
An imperturbable calm enveloped their two motionless figures, the house,
the town, all the world--and the trifling tempest of his feelings. The
violence of the short tumult within him had been such as could well have
shattered all creation; and yet nothing was changed. He faced his wife
in the familiar room in his own house. It had not fallen. And right and
left all the innumerable dwellings, standing shoulder to shoulder,
had resisted the shock of his passion, had presented, unmoved, to the
loneliness of his trouble, the grim silence of walls, the impenetrable
and polished discretion of closed doors and curtained windows.
Immobility and silence pressed on him, assailed him, like two
accomplices of the immovable and mute woman before his eyes. He was
suddenly vanquished. He was shown his impotence. He was soothed by the
breath of a corrupt resignation coming to him through the subtle irony
of the surrounding peace.
He said with villainous composure:
“At any rate it isn’t enough for me. I want to know more--if you’re
going to stay.”
“There is nothing more to tell,” she answered, sadly.
It struck him as so very true that he did not say anything. She went on:
“You wouldn’t understand. . . .”
“No?” he said, quietly. He held himself tight not to burst into howls
and imprecations.
“I tried to be faithful . . .” she began again.
“And this?” he exclaimed, pointing at the fragments of her letter.
“This--this is a failure,” she said.
“I should think so,” he muttered, bitterly.
“I tried to be faithful to myself--Alvan--and . . . and honest to
you. . . .”
“If you had tried to be faithful to me it would have been more to the
purpose,” he interrupted, angrily. “I’ve been faithful to you and you
have spoiled my life--both our lives . . .” Then after a pause the
unconquerable preoccupation of self came out, and he raised his voice to
ask resentfully, “And, pray, for how long have you been making a fool of
me?”
She seemed horribly shocked by that question. He did not wait for an
answer, but went on moving about all the time; now and then coming up to
her, then wandering off restlessly to the other end of the room.
“I want to know. Everybody knows, I suppose, but myself--and that’s your
honesty!”
“I have told you there is nothing to know,” she said, speaking
unsteadily as if in pain. “Nothing of what you suppose. You don’t
understand me. This letter is the beginning--and the end.”
“The end--this thing has no end,” he clamoured, unexpectedly. “Can’t you
understand that? I can . . . The beginning . . .”
He stopped and looked into her eyes with concentrated intensity, with
a desire to see, to penetrate, to understand, that made him positively
hold his breath till he gasped.
“By Heavens!” he said, standing perfectly still in a peering attitude
and within less than a foot from her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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