And now, reader, the author asks you to peruse his book, and to make the best use you can of it; and he suggests, _when you have done this, be careful that you do not so talk about it as to illustrate some one or more of the characters within it_. J. B. _November_, 1877. CONTENTS. PAGE I. THE MONOPOLIST 1 II. THE FALSE HUMOURIST 18 III. THE FLATTERER 22 IV. THE BRAWLER 35 V. THE MISCHIEF-MAKER 38 VI. THE PLEONAST 55 VII. THE SELF-DISPARAGER 62 VIII. THE COMMON SWEARER 71 IX. THE AFFECTED 85 X. THE STULTILOQUIST 94 XI. THE SLANDERER 101 XII. THE VALETUDINARIAN 111 XIII. THE WHISPERER 119 XIV. THE HYPERBOLIST 124 XV. THE INQUISITIVE 133 XVI. THE PEDANT 142 XVII. THE DETRACTOR 154 XVIII. THE GRUMBLER 164 XIX. THE EGOTIST 174 XX. THE TALE-BEARER 189 XXI. THE ASSENTER 203 XXII. THE LIAR 208 XXIII. THE CENSORIOUS 227 XXIV. THE DOGMATIST 236 XXV. THE ALTILOQUENT 244 XXVI. THE DOUBLE-TONGUED 253 XXVII. THE DUBIOUS 262 XXVIII. THE SUSPICIOUS 266 XXIX. THE POETIC 273 XXX. "YES" AND "NO" 279 XXXI. A GROUP OF TALKERS 286 1. The Misanthrope, p. 286.--2. The Story-Teller, p. 287.--3. The Careless, p. 290.--4. The Equivocator, p. 292.--5. The Absent-Minded, p. 294.--6. The Bustling, p. 296.--7. The Contradictory, p. 298.--8. The Technicalist, p. 300.--9. The Liliputian, p. 301.--10. The Envious, p. 302.--11. The Secret-Teller, p. 302.--12. The Snubber, p. 303.--13. The Argumentative, p. 306.--14. The Religious, p. 310.--15. The Prejudiced, p. 312.--16. The Boaster, p. 314.--17. The Quarrelsome, p. 316.--18. The Profound, p. 317.--19. The Wonderer, p. 320.--20. The Termagant, p. 325. XXXII. A MODEL TALKER 328 I. _THE MONOPOLIST._ "Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing: more than any man in Venice; his reasons are as two grains of wheat hid in two bushels of chaff; you shall seek all day ere you find them; and when you have them, they are not worth the search."--SHAKESPEARE.