To get away was his immediate thought. But he felt hungry. He went into
the refreshment-room. On the same side as the door, a couple of feet to
the right, was a couch. The trestle-bar with the refreshments ran the
length of the opposite wall. The room was quiet and almost empty. Out of
the tail of his eye, as he entered, he became conscious of something. He
turned towards the couch. Soltyk and Anastasya were sitting there, and
looking at him with the abrupt embarrassment people show when an absentee
under discussion suddenly appears. He flushed and was about to turn back
to the door. But he flushed still more next moment, at thought of his
hesitation. This humiliating full-stop beneath their eyes must be wiped
out, anyhow. He walked on steadily to the bar.
A shy consciousness of his physique beset him. He felt again an
outcast—of an inferior class, socially. He must not show this. He must be
leisurely.
He _was_ leisurely. He thought when he stretched his hand out to take his
cup of coffee that it would never reach it. Reduced to posing nude for
Anastasya and the Russian was the result of the evening! Scores of little
sensations, like troublesome imps, herded airily behind him. They tickled
him with impalpable fingers.
He munched sandwiches without the faintest sense of their taste.
Anastasya’s eyes were scourging him. He felt like a martyr. Suddenly
conscious of an awkwardness in his legs, he changed his position. His
arms were ludicrously disabled. The sensation of standing neck deep in
horrid filth beset him. Compelled to remain in soaking wet clothes and
unable to change them, his body gradually drying them, would have been
a similar discomfort. The noise of the dancing began again, filled the
room. This purified things somewhat. He got red in the face as though
with a gigantic effort, but went on staring in front of him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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