Kreisler stood at the window. His eyes had a lazy, expressionless stare,
his lips were open. Nerves, brain and the whole body were still spinning
and stunned, his muscles teeming with actions not finished, sharp, when
the actions finished. He was still swamped and strung with violence. His
sudden immobility, as he stood there, made the riot of movement and will
rise to his brain like wine from a weak body. Satisfaction had, however,
stilled everything except this tingling prolongation of action.
The inanity of what had happened to her showed as her unique,
intelligible feeling. Her being there at all, her eccentric conduct of
the last week, what disgusting folly! Ever since she had known Tarr,
her “sentiment” had been castigating her. A watchful fate appeared to
be inventing morals to show her the folly of her perpetual romancing.
And now _this_ had happened. It was senseless. There was not a single
atom of compensation anywhere. She was not one of those who, were there
any solid compensation of sentiment and necessity (such as, in the most
evident degree, was the case with Tarr), would draw back from natural
conclusions. Then conclusive physical matters were a culmination of
her romance, and not a separate and disloyal gratification. It never
occurred to her that they could be arrived at without traversing the
romance.
Was this to be explained as the boulevard incident had been explained by
her? Was she to proceed with her explanations and her part? But this time
it would be to herself that the explanations would have to be made. That
was a different audience; a dim feeling found its way into her, with a
sort of sickening malice. She had a glimpse too of Kreisler’s Bertha—the
woman that you couldn’t shake off, who, for some unimaginable reason, was
always hanging on to you. She even had the strength to admit, distantly,
the logic of this act—what had happened to her—still more disgusting and
hateful than its illogic. The only thing that might have been found to
mitigate, in some sense, the dreary, sudden madness of it, was that she
felt practically nothing at all for Kreisler. It was like some violent
accident of the high road, the brutality of a tramp. And—as that too
would—it partook of the unreality of nightmare.
A few minutes before he had been tranquilly working away at a drawing,
she sitting in some pose she had taken up with quick ostentatious
intelligence. Startled at his request to draw her shoulders she had
immediately condemned this feeling. She had come to sit for him; the mere
idea that there was any danger was so repulsive that she immediately
consented. He was an artist, too, of course. While he was working they
had not talked. Then he had put down his paper and chalk, stretched, and
said:
“Your arms are like bananas!” A shiver of warning had penetrated her at
this. But still he was an artist: it was natural—even inevitable—that he
should compare her arms to bananas.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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