How strangely that twist of his, or set angle of the head, fitted in with
the corresponding peculiarities of the woman’s head and bust. What abysms
of idiocy! Rubbishy hours and months formed the atmosphere around these
two futile dolls!
He put the photographs down and looked up. She was sitting on the edge
of the table. The dressing-gown was open, and one large thigh, with ugly
whiteness, slid half out of it. It looked dead, and connected with her
like a ventriloquist’s dummy with its master. It was natural to wonder
where his senses had gone in looking at these decorous photographs. This
exhibition appeared to be her explanation of the matter. The face was not
very original. But a thigh cannot be stupid to the same degree.
He gazed surlily. Her musing expression at this moment was supremely
absurd. He smiled and turned his face to the window. She pretended to
become conscious suddenly of something amiss. She drew the dressing-gown
round her.
“Have you paid the man yet? What did he charge? I expect⸺”
Tarr took up the packet again.
“Oh, these are six francs. I forget what the big ones are. I haven’t paid
him yet. He’s coming to photograph Miss Goenthner to-morrow.”
They sat without saying anything.
He examined the room as you do a doctor’s waiting-room.
He had just come there to see if he could turn his back on it. That
appeared at first sight a very easy matter. That is why he so far had
not succeeded in doing so. Never put on his mettle, his standing army
of will was not sufficient to cope with it. But would this little room
ever appear worth turning his back on? It was the purest distillation
of the commonplace. He had become bewitched by its strangeness. It was
the height of the unreal. Bertha was like a fairy that he visited, and
“became engaged” to in another world, not the real one. It was so much
the real ordinary world that for him with his out-of-the-way experience
it was a phantasmagoria. Then what he had described as his disease of
sport was perpetually fed. Sex even with him, according to his analysis,
being a sort of ghost, was at home in this gross and buffonic illusion.
Something had filled up a blank and become saturated with the blankness.
How much would Bertha mind a separation? Tarr saw in her one of those
clear, humorous, superficial natures, a Venetian or a Viennese, the easy
product of a cynical and abundant life. He under-rated the potency of his
fascination. Secondly, he miscalculated the depths of obedient attachment
he had wakened.
They sat impatiently waiting. A certain formality had to be observed.
Then the business of the day could be proceeded with. They were both
bored with the part imposed by the punctilious and ridiculous god of
love. Bertha, into the bargain, wanted to get on with her cooking. She
would have cut considerably the reconciliation scene. All her side of the
programme had been conscientiously done.
“Berthe, tu es une brave fille!”
“Tu trouves?”
“Oui.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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