His portmanteau had always received certain consideration, as being,
next the dress-suit, the most dependable article among those beneath his
sway—to come to his aid if their common existence were threatened. He
had now thrown it under the bed with disgust. He and all his goods were
rubbish for the streets.
He sauntered from the window to the bed and back. Whenever he liked,
in a sense, he would open the door and go out; but still, _until_ then
(and _when_ would he “like”?) he was a poor prisoner. Outside, he took
some strength and importance from others. In here he touched bottom and
realized what the Kreisler-self was, with four walls round it.
His muscles were still full. They symbolized his uselessness. The
thought, so harsh and tyrannical, of his once more going to the window
and gazing down at the street beneath made him draw back his chair. He
sat midway in the room, looking steadily out at the housetops. But, like
his vigorous muscles and his deadness, there was the same contradiction;
his mechanical obstinacy as regards Anastasya and his comic activity at
present to get to a dance.
Comrades at painting school, nodding acquaintances, etc., were once more
run through. None valued his acquaintance at more than thirty centimes,
if that.
Perhaps Anastasya had left Paris? This solution, occurring sometimes,
had only made his activity during the last few days more mad and
mechanical—the pursuit of a shadow.
Ten minutes later, through a series of difficult clockwork-like actions,
he had got once more to Lejeune’s to have lunch. With disgust he took
what had been his usual seat latterly, at the table in the recess; the
one place, he was sure, Anastasya would never be found in again, wherever
else she might be found.
Lunch nearly over, he caught sight of Lowndes. “Hi, Master Lowndes!” he
called out—always assuming great bluffness and brutality, as he called
it, with English people, and laborious opposite to “stiffness.” “How do
you do?”
The moment his eye had fallen on “Master” Lowndes this friend’s
probable national opulence had occurred to him as a tantalizing fact.
No gross decision could be come to in that moment. Lowndes was called
to be kept there a little bit, while he turned things over and made
up his mind. This was an acquaintance existing chiefly on chaff and
national antithesis. It meant nothing to him. What matter if he were
refused? Lowndes not being a compatriot made it easier. Something must
be sacrificed. Lowndes’ acquaintanceship was a possession something
equivalent to a cheap ring, a souvenir. He must part with it, if
necessary.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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