If we were to hear and obey his whims, We couldn't do anything without sins For he forbids all, this false Capuchin. Mme. Pernelle. And everything he forbids is well forbidden. He strives to guide you on the road to heaven, And it's my son's duty to make you love him. Damis. No, grandma, neither dad nor anyone else Can oblige me to wish for his good health. I'd be false to myself if I didn't say this: When I see him around, I begin to get pissed. I can smell the outcome, and soon this coot, And I will find ourselves in a grand dispute. Dorine. It's certainly a clear cause for remark When a nobody acts like a patriarch, A beggar who was barefoot when he came hence And whose whole wardrobe wasn't worth two cents! And he's gone so far as to forget his past for He opposes everything and plays the master. Mme. Pernelle. Ah! mercy on me! Things would be better, If you'd only follow his holy orders. Dorine. He passes for a saint in your fantasy, But, I swear, he acts with hypocrisy. Mme. Pernelle. Watch your tongue! Dorine. Not to him nor his man Laurent Would I trust my honor without good warrant. Mme. Pernelle. I don't know what his servant's like at heart, But for the man himself, I'll guarantee his part. You only treat him with hate and aversion Because he truly strives for your conversion. He hurls his heart up against each sin And the glory of God is all he hopes to win. Dorine. Yes. But why, especially during some Time past, must he ban all guests from our home? Can a courtesy call offend Heaven Enough to merit a huge commotion? Would you like it explained, just between us? [Gesturing toward Elmire.] Of Madam there, on my oath, he's jealous! Mme. Pernelle. Be quiet, and think before you speak. Others, too, condemn the company you keep. All this bustle from the people who arrive, The carriages ceaselessly parking at curb-side, And the servants in a circle chattering, Make noise that your neighbors find nerve-shattering. I'd like to think there's no harm meant, But when gossips talk, they're malevolent. Cleante. How can you hope to stop people talking? It would truly be most irritating If, for the sake of idle, foolish chatter, We must renounce the friends that really matter. And even if we could resolve to do it, How could you hope to keep the whole world quiet? No castle wall can defend against lies, So let's ignore the fools who criticize, And strive to live in innocence and ease, Letting gossips gossip as they please. Dorine. Daphne, our neighbor, and her petty spouse-- Weren't they the ones who slandered this house?