Transcribed from the 1903 Hutchinson & Co. edition by David Price, email ccx074@pglaf.org [Picture: Book cover] [Picture: Who would be a chaperone?] TEA-TABLE TALK BY JEROME K. JEROME Author of “Paul Kelver” . . . . “Three Men in a Boat,” etc., etc. * * * * * WITH ILLUSTRATIONS ON PLATE PAPER BY FRED PEGRAM . . . * * * * * LONDON HUTCHINSON & CO. PATERNOSTER SQUARE 1903 * * * * * PRINTED BY HAZELL, WATSON AND VINEY, LD., LONDON AND AYLESBURY. * * * * * LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS PAGE WHO WOULD BE A CHAPERONE? _Frontispiece_ HE WOULD FLING HIMSELF ON HIS KNEES BEFORE HER, 14 NEVER NOTICING THE DOG I LEFT THEM AT IT 16 HE WENT WITH HER AND MADE HIMSELF RIDICULOUS AT THE 20 DRESSMAKER’S WHY SHOULD WE SEEK TO EXPLAIN AWAY ALL THE 26 BEAUTIFUL THINGS OF LIFE? ARE WE SO SURE THAT ART DOES ELEVATE? 38 THE ARTIST KNEW PRECISELY THE SORT OF GIRL THAT 42 OUGHT TO BE THERE A MAN’S WORK ’TIS TILL SET OF SUN, BUT A WOMAN’S 52 WORK IS NEVER DONE! DOES THE LADY OUT SHOPPING EVER FALL IN LOVE WITH 56 THE WAITER AT THE BUN-SHOP? WOMAN HAS BEEN APPOINTED BY NATURE THE TRUSTEE OF 58 THE CHILDREN COMPARING HIMSELF THE WHILE WITH MOLIÈRE READING TO 80 HIS COOK THE SINGER MAY BE A HEAVY, FLESHY MAN WITH A TASTE 84 FOR BEER IT IS THE FOOL WHO IMAGINES HER INHUMAN 100 IT SEIZED A NATURAL HUMAN PASSION AND TURNED IT TO 104 GOOD USES SHE SUGGESTED THAT POETS AND NOVELISTS SHOULD TAKE 106 SERVICE FOR A YEAR IN ANY LARGE DRAPERY OR MILLINERY ESTABLISHMENT WHO IS IT SUCCEEDS IN ESCAPING THE LAW OF THE HIVE? 126 I “THEY are very pretty, some of them,” said the Woman of the World; “not the sort of letters I should have written myself.” “I should like to see a love-letter of yours,” interrupted the Minor Poet. “It is very kind of you to say so,” replied the Woman of the World. “It never occurred to me that you would care for one.” “It is what I have always maintained,” retorted the Minor Poet; “you have never really understood me.”