"I don't know what this is all about, Rhoda, but I'm not as much of a
child as you seem to think. Subjectiveness does make a person sound and
act that way at times. This is a reflection of inner confusion and
bewilderment. I'll admit I'm confused and bewildered. But I'm getting
your message, too. I think you're telling me that whatever has happened
to you is none of my business. Very well. You know where to find me if
you need me."
He was walking toward the door, his back turned, so he did not see the
mute appeal in Rhoda's face. "Frank--!"
He had opened the door and turned. "I'm sorry, Rhoda. I thought we had
something. I'll admit I didn't handle it very well but I did my best."
He went out and closed the door softly behind him and was gone.
Pure tragedy ripped across Rhoda's eyes as she sprang to her feet, took
several steps toward the door, and stopped. A wordless cry rose within
her and came out as a miserable little kitten whimper.
But then she stiffened. The moment of panic passed. She straightened and
touched a displaced lock of hair. The warmth of the new excitement she
lived with gushed anew, and the bright, nervous smile touched her lips.
She went over, made herself a drink and went to the window. She looked
down. He was out there somewhere, going about his mysterious business.
The smile she thought of as soft and tender was really brittle and quite
hard. She downed her drink thirstily as though it helped quench the
fever in her throat.
She put the glass down and heard a whisper: "John, John, why don't you
come to me? I'll help you. I'll understand. I'll teach you to make love.
Let me help you, darling."
The whisper was her own and it ended in a sob.
* * * * *
Brent Taber was studying some reports on his desk. They were not sources
of satisfaction in any sense. Most of them were memos noting changes in
the departmental assignments of staff men: _Due to unforeseen
emergencies and the reassessment of current workloads it has become
necessary to transfer from your subdepartment three ... two ... four
..._
And so it went.
He sat back and closed his eyes. He was tired and he conceded it, which
was a stark admission for Brent Taber. And he wondered: Was it worth it?
Banging your head against a stone wall. It would be so easy to say,
_Okay, it's your world, too. If you aren't worried why should I bother?_
Maybe it's not worth it. Why not assume that if there is a superior race
standing off somewhere in space, they're only a bunch of paper tigers
and to hell with it. Or maybe they wish us only the best. Maybe--
The door opened. Marcia Holly pushed her head in. "Have you eaten
anything today?"
"Get lost, sweetheart," Brent said absently.
"Maybe you look on eating as a bad habit, like sleeping, but it would be
nice to avoid a breakdown and stay out of the hospital, too."
"You're such a pleasant person to have around, except when you get up
off your chair and start making noises like a woman."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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