Mr. Aubrey resolved to live in strict privacy; and they consequently
communicated their residence to but one or two of their numerous
friends, and to them only in confidence. To have acted otherwise, would
have seriously interfered with the arrangements which, long ago
contemplated, he had now fixed upon. It would have been perpetually
calling their attention to the contrast between former days and scenes,
and the present; opening their wounds afresh; and moreover, subjecting
them to kind and generous importunities and offers, which, however
delicate, would have been exquisitely painful and trying to an honorable
pride. But it is time that I should proceed to give a more particular
account of the position, the personal feelings, and the purposes and
prospects of Mr. Aubrey.
From the moment when he received the first intimation of the
desperate assault about to be made upon his fortunes, he felt a
conviction--whether arising from weakness, or superstition, or any
other cause it concerns me not here to say--that the issue would be a
disastrous one for him; and, the first alarm and confusion over, he
addressed himself with serious calmness, with deep anxiety, to the
determination of his future course of life. A man of his refined taste
and feeling would inevitably appreciate exquisitely--with, indeed, a
most agonizing intensity--the loss of all those superior enjoyments--the
deliciæ of life--to which he had been from his birth accustomed. _Semper
enim delicatè ac molliter vixit._ I speak not here of the mere exterior
"appliances and means" of wealth and station, but of the fastidious and
sensitive condition of _feeling_ and temper, which such a state of
things is calculated to engender in a person of his description. He
could part with the one; but how could he divest himself of the other?
Even had he been alone in the world, and not surrounded with objects of
the tenderest regard, whose safety or ruin was involved in his own, one
of the results of his opponent's success--namely, his claim to the mesne
profits--was calculated to fetter all his movements, to hang like a
millstone round his neck; and that effect, indeed, it had. Still he
played the man--resolved to act promptly, and with the best
consideration he could give to his critical position. He had not yet
reached the prime of life; had a fair share of health; had been blessed
with the inestimable advantages of a thorough--a first-rate
education--and, above all, had followed out his early advantages by
laborious and systematic study. He had not only made accurate,
extensive, and valuable acquisitions of knowledge, but learned how to
use them--to turn them to practical account. What would, he thought,
have become of him, had he--or those before him--neglected his
education? Then he had acquired a considerable familiarity with business
habits, in the House of Commons; and had friends and connections who
might be of essential service to him, if he could but first succeed in
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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