soothing balm of pious resignation; and sometimes, also, faint and
trembling beams of hope concerning the future, would steal across the
gloomy chambers of their hearts. Thank God, the view of the past
presented to them no occasion for shame, for remorse, for
self-condemnation! They trusted that, in their day of wealth and
distinction, many as had been their shortcomings, they had not been
found wilfully neglecting the duties imposed upon them. Therefore they
derived a just consolation from a view of the past. But the
FUTURE--indeed--
"Shadows, clouds, and darkness rested on it."
Their hearts involuntarily fluttered and shrank within them, when they
gazed upon the threatening gloom which hung over it. Their straitened
circumstances--an honorable poverty--had been a burden light, indeed, to
bear. They were very happy in one another's company; their house, though
small, was convenient, and even elegantly comfortable; they had health;
Mr. Aubrey had constant exercise for an active and vigorous mind, in the
acquisition of the learning of a noble profession, the practice of which
might possibly hereafter raise all of them to even affluence and
distinction--at all events, might secure them the substantial comforts
of life. But he would have moments of heaviness and trepidation. When
engaged in his little study, in the profound solitude and silence of the
early morning, while he was thus straining his faculties to their
utmost, on behalf of the sweet innocent beings--his wife--his
children--his sister--sleeping above, he would sometimes lean back in
his chair, with a very deep sigh, and sink into a revery--oh, how sad
and painful!--deepening occasionally into agony; but he would suddenly
arouse himself, and resume his studies with a powerful effort at
abstraction--with additional intensity of application.--How, indeed,
could he be otherwise than momentarily _paralyzed_, when he surveyed his
truly alarming, his tremendous pecuniary liabilities? Bills of
costs--Heaven only knew to what amount--due to Messrs. Quirk, Gammon,
and Snap; to his own attorneys, Messrs. Runnington; and to Mr.
Parkinson: and then--sickening and fearful object!--the Mesne
Profits--what _was_ to become of them all? The mind which, in the
presence of such disturbing forces as these, could apply its energies so
successfully as did that of Mr. Aubrey to the acquisition of knowledge,
with any degree of calmness, must surely have been of no common order,
and have undergone no slight discipline; but, alas! alas! what could all
this have availed him, unless he had been vouchsafed assistance from on
high? When the _waters were come in unto his soul_; when he was _sinking
in deep mire, where there was no standing_; when he was _come into deep
waters, where the floods overflowed him_--whither was he to look but to
one quarter, and that ABOVE, with earnest, and faithful, and constant
supplication to the Almighty?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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