Keeping his Eye Open—The Sweet and Winning Ways of Mr. Parasite—In Office—The Fault of the “People” and “my Friends”—Pulling the Wool over the Eyes of the Innocent—Writing Letters in a Big Way—The “Dark Ways” of Wicked Mr. P—— —A Suspicious Yearning for Private Life—The Sweets of Office—John Jones is not Encouraged—Post-offices as Plentiful as Blackberries—Receiving Office seekers—Dismissing John—Over-crowded Pastures—John’s Own Private Opinion—Peculiar Impartiality of the Man in Office—What the Successful Man Said—A Certain Kind of Man, and Where He can be Found, 382 CHAPTER XXXVII. THE DEAD-LETTER OFFICE—ITS MARVELS AND MYSTERIES. The Post-Office—The Postal Service In Early Times—The First Postmaster General—The Present Chief—A Cabinet Minister—The Subordinate Officers—Their Positions and Duties—The Ocean Mail Postal Service—The Contract Office—The Finance Office—The Inspection Office—Complaints and Misdoings—One Hundred and Twenty Years Ago—Franklin Performs Wonderful Works—His Ideas of Speed—Between Boston and Philadelphia in Six Weeks—Dismissed from Office—A New Post-Office System—The Inspector of Dead Letters—Only Seventy-five Offices in the States—Only One Clerk—Government Stages—The Office at Washington—Franklin’s Old Ledger—The Present Number of Post-Offices—The Dead Letter Office—The Ladies Too Much Squeezed—Opening the Dead Letters—Why Certain Persons are Trusted—Three Thousand Thoughtless People—Valuable Letters—Ensuring Correctness—The Property Branch—The Touching Story of the Photographs—The Return Branch—What the Postmaster Says, 388 CHAPTER XXXVIII. THE DEPARTMENT OF THE INTERIOR—UNCLE SAM’S DOMESTIC ARRANGEMENTS. Inadequate Accommodation in Heaven—Valuable Documents—In Jeopardy—Talk of Moving the Capital—Concerning Certain Idiots—A Day in the Patent Office—The Inventive Genius of the Country—Division of Indian Affairs—Lands and Railroads—Pensions and Patents—The Superintendent of the Building—The Secretary of the Interior and his Subordinates—Pensions and Their Recipients—Indian Affairs—How the Savages are Treated—Over Twenty—One Million of Dollars Credited to their Little Account—The Census Bureau—A Rather Big Work—The Bureau of Patents—What is a Patent?—A Few Dollars Over—The Use Made of a Certain Brick Building—Cutting Down the Ladies’ Salaries—Making Places for Useful Voters—A Sweet Prayer for Delano’s Welfare, 407 CHAPTER XXXIX. THE PENSION BUREAU—HOW GOVERNMENT PAYS ITS SERVANTS.