He said to me one night in Taplow's garden: "The past is just a big
blank--we don't mention it--it doesn't even exist for us. Forgetting
isn't the right word--it's rather that we don't trouble to remember
something that isn't worth remembering. We were fools, maybe, both of
us--and we should be bigger fools if we discussed it now.... Besides,
it's so hopelessly out-of-date. All Helen wants now is to make life
happier and easier for Severn. That's why she's coming to live out
here--not because she's a country-lover herself. She isn't; she's told
me so quite candidly. Hyde Park, not Hindhead, is her ideal."
I asked him if he though that she and Severn were getting on better,
and he answered: "I'm sure of it. She doesn't always agree with him, of
course--(she didn't over that Karelsky business)--but I think she's very
happy. That American fellow's coming to operate on July 19th, and she's
building up great hopes about it...."
V
And June ...?
I hardly know for certain, because she said so little about her own
thoughts and feelings. As a novelist, perhaps I am entitled to be
omniscient, but even omniscience doesn't lead me very much further than
the obvious fact that June and Helen were separated by a deep and
growing antagonism. I shall never forget that night at the End House
when June faced her mother with that white-hot question: "Why should you
interfere?"
But after that there was never another outbreak. Maybe the antagonism
sank deeper; I had the constant impression that the more June felt the
less she would say; until the time came when feeling would make her
almost inarticulate. Anyhow, during those long midsummer days, though I
saw her frequently, Helen's name was never mentioned, and even Terry's
only rarely.
We went to Hindhead quite often, and Terry was always charmingly eager
to see us. Never again, after that first unexpected visit, did we meet
Helen there; I think June saw to that. Usually she and Terry played
tennis, or else he, with his new eagerness for motor-driving, took us
out in Taplow's prehistoric Ford. With this, as with most other
enthusiasms, he went vastly to extremes; one afternoon a short trip to
Aldershot developed into a grand tour of three counties, ending up in a
breakdown and an ignominious return by train. He was always, too,
immensely keen on showing us the site of the new house and giving us
full and technical details of Helen's most recent visit. Never, by a
word or a gesture, did June show anything but interest, but I got so
bored with climbing up the same old hill and standing in the broiling
sunlight to admire the same old view, that I formed the excellent habit
of staying in the car while he and June made their expeditions alone.
They were usually gone about half-an-hour--just time enough for a quiet
smoke and a morsel of reflection.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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