She answered, with a curious, far-away sadness in her voice: "I
wasn't--_anything_--to him--except a teacher. I was teaching him all
sorts of little things that he'll need to know in the world--little
tricks of the trade of living--I was trying to lessen the probability
that wherever he goes and whatever he does, he'll be the prey of men not
half as strong and not a tenth as good. And I was trying to show him how
big the world was, and how, even with his ideals, it couldn't all be
seen from a laboratory window.... I took him to all sorts of
places--educating him, in a sort of way--trying to--to----"
Oh, that talk of _teaching_ and _educating_! From her lips it
exasperated me as much as it had from his; it drove me into saying
something that I have regretted ever since. "You may have tried," I
interrupted sharply, "but you didn't succeed. Even you can't change the
nature of him, and all the time you thought he was learning to be a
social success, he was merely learning to love you.... _That's_ what you
taught him--nothing else. And that's why I judged the situation to be so
dangerous that the sooner he cleared out of it the better."
I say I have regretted it ever since, and that's the bitter truth. I
began regretting about a second after I had spoken, for she answered,
with a calm smile and a thrill of pride in her voice: "I knew, of
course, that he loved me, because he told me so. But he didn't tell
_you_ to tell me, and I despise you utterly for doing it. You have
abused his confidence.... It's no good arguing after a thing like
that.... I think you'd better get me a taxi and let me go...."
VI
I got her a taxi, and she went, and I didn't see or speak to her again
for years. That is the sort of thing which, when one writes it down,
gives one a sense of bewilderment. Such a little, paltry quarrel to have
caused such a long estrangement! I wrote down in my diary on the evening
of the day it happened: "Met H. in Fleet Street. Tiff over T." I was so
sure, at the time, that it was only a tiff. I had to leave London the
next morning for a week's reporting job in South Wales, and I never
doubted that by the time I returned the quarrel would be forgotten.
Yet it wasn't. I remember in particular one hot August afternoon shortly
after I came back. Severn had invited me to lunch with him at White's,
and during the meal he talked and discussed in his usual brilliant way.
But afterwards, while we mellowed ourselves with port, he said suddenly:
"I say, Hilton, old chap, what on earth have you been saying to my
wife?"
How could I tell him _anything_, much less _everything_? I laughed to
gain time to think, and then I asked him rather stammeringly what
exactly he meant. He answered: "It's rather queer. She seems to have
taken a sudden dislike to you.... I'm giving a farewell party next
week--just a little dinner before we go out of town. I suppose you got
the invitation?"
"Yes. I was intending to reply to it to-night."
"Accepting?"
"Well--yes."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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