She stood—a slim dark, figure—in the recess of the bridge leaning
against the stone balustrade while the crowds passed by unheeding, and
looked down into the dark-flowing water.
How long would it take, she wondered, how long a struggle in those
dreadful depths before the soul rose free? And then—even then—would it
be freedom, or slavery of another kind, a striving against yet more
awful odds, a sinking into yet more fearful depths? Her tired mind
wandered to and fro over the problem. So easy to die, if that were all!
But after death—what then? Having shirked the one issue, could she
possibly hope to be in any sense better equipped for that which lay
beyond? Having failed hopelessly to prove herself in the one life, could
there be any possibility of making a better bargain for herself in the
next? Her brain recoiled from the thought. No, deliverance did not lie
that way.
Perhaps it did not lie anywhere, she told herself drearily. Perhaps
there was no deliverance. Like the prisoners of old, shackled to that
stone of fate, perhaps it was her lot to wait until it descended upon
her. She had sought so desperately for a way of escape, and now every
channel was closed to her. Further seeking—further striving—were
useless. God alone could help her now.
She looked up at the grey sky and felt the cold rain beating down upon
her. Who was it who had once said: “Ask and ye shall receive, seek and
ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened unto you”? Strange that such
words as those could ever be forgotten! They came upon her now almost as
if they had been uttered aloud. And with them, very suddenly, came the
memory of her prayer from the Tetherstones on the night of her great
need. “From all evil and mischief, from sin, from crafts and assaults of
the devil, Good Lord deliver us!” And how wonderful—how God-sent—had
been her deliverance! The thought of little Ruth shot across her mind
like a ray of light. Again the childish fingers seemed to clasp her own,
closely, confidingly, lovingly. It was like a message to her soul—the
angel of her deliverance!
It was then that the power to pray came to Frances, there on the open
crowded bridge between the grey skies and the grey river with the grey
stone to support her. She could not have said whence or how it came, but
it possessed her for a space to the exclusion of all else. And she
prayed—as she had prayed by little Ruth’s death-bed—with a fervour and
a depth of faith that amazed herself. Not for deliverance, not for a way
of escape, only for strength in her weakness—only for sustenance, lest
the journey be too great for her! And when she ceased to pray, when the
great moment passed—all too quickly, as such moments always must—when
she woke again to physical misery and physical exhaustion, to the
dripping skies and the leaden world and the dank uncleanness of the
atmosphere, though no sign of any sort came in answer, yet she knew that
her prayer was heard.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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