Was this the magic that had caught her—the awful magic of temptation?
Was there poison in the draught which she had drunk with such avidity?
This enchanted land to which she had come after weary years of desert
journeying, was this to prove—her hell?
As if stricken with blindness, she stumbled back into the room and lay
down. All her former doubts swept over her afresh in a black cataract of
misgiving. Love her—faded and tired and dull? How could he love her?
What could a man of this sort, rich, popular, successful, see in a woman
of hers save an easy prey? She lay and burned in the darkness. And she
had given him all he asked in that amazing surrender. She had opened to
him her very soul. Wherefore? Ah, indeed, wherefore? Because he had
overwhelmed her with the audacity of his desire! For no other reason—no
other reason! How could this thing be Love?
So she lay, chastising herself with the scorpions of shame and fear and
desolation—because she had dared to dream that Love could ever come to
her. At last—in that terrible vigil—she found words wherewith to pray,
and in an agony of supplication she made her prayer: “O God, keep me
from making a mistake! Let me die sooner! Let me die!”
And though no answer came to her then, tears came instead and washed the
burning anguish away. Afterwards she slept. . . .
In the morning she awoke to see the sun drawing up the mist like a veil
from the green earth. All the evils of the night were gone. She arose
wondering at the emotions that had so torn her a few hours before. After
all, if she kept her soul with steadfastness, what had she to fear? She
viewed the strange event of the previous evening with a curious sense of
detachment, almost as if it had happened to another person, very far
removed from herself. She was calm now, calm and strong and no longer
afraid. The habit of years had reasserted itself. She girt herself anew
in the armour which till then had never failed her. Work was her
safeguard as well as her necessity. She would waste no further time in
idleness.
After breakfast she set forth on a three-mile tramp to the nearest town
to buy a newspaper, promising herself to spend the afternoon answering
advertisements. Her way lay by a track across the moor which she had
never before followed. The purple heather was just coming into bloom and
the gold of coronella was scattered every where about her path. The
singing of larks filled the whole world with rejoicing. She thought that
the distant tors had never been so blue.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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