"Oh, bredern, at de las’ day dere’s gwine to be sheep an’ dere’s gwine to be goats. Who’s gwine to be de sheep, an’ who’s gwine to be de goats?" A solitary Irishman who had been sitting in the back of the church, listening attentively, rose and said: "_Oi’ll_ be the goat. Go on; tell us the joke, Elder. Oi’ll be the goat!" *NEIGHBORLY* Mrs. D---- decided to move into the country for the summer, and was both surprised and delighted to learn that an old friend of hers resided in the same place. Meeting this friend on the street, Mrs. D---- said: "I am quite a near neighbor of yours now; I have taken a house by the river." "Oh, I do hope you will drop in some day," replied the friend. *WAS HE ANSWERED?* A Bishop in full robes of office, with his gown reaching to his feet, was teaching a Sunday-school class. At the close he said he would be glad to answer any questions. A little hand went up, and he asked: "Well, my boy?" "Can I ask?" said the boy. "Certainly," said the Bishop, "what is it?" "Well," asked the boy, "is dem all you’ve got on, or do you wear pants under dem?" *NOT THAT KIND OF EGG* A vegetarian sitting next to a stranger in a restaurant before long took occasion to advertise his creed by telling him that all meat was injurious, and that the human diet should be strictly vegetarian. "But," replied the stranger, "I seldom eat meat." "You just ordered eggs," said the vegetarian. "An egg is practically meat; because it eventually becomes a bird." "The kind of eggs I eat never become birds," answered the stranger quietly. "Good heavens!" cried the vegetarian. "What kind of eggs do you eat? "Principally boiled eggs," said the stranger. *KNEW HIS BUSINESS* Two young men entered a café of a well-known city hotel the other evening. It happened that a new and very young wine clerk was behind the bar and the two customers resolved to have some fun with him. "Give me," said one, "a seltzer water." "And I," said the other, "will have some vicious water." Without hesitating, the barkeeper placed a bottle of absinthe before the last man to order. "What’s this?" he asked. "It’s the most vicious of anything we keep, sir," calmly replied the clerk. *HOW TO SAVE GAS BILLS* A city merchant who has a passion for reading out-of-town newspapers and also for answering many of the advertisements he finds in them tells this on himself: The other day he answered an advertisement in one of the New York papers stating that for one dollar a method for saving gas bills would be sent. In two days he received a printed slip by mail which read: "Paste them in a scrap-book." *A DIFFERENCE OF WORDING*