Auntie (to her young niece): Guess what I know, Mary. There’s a little baby brother up-stairs! He came this morning when you were asleep. Mary: Did he? Then I know who brought him. It was the milkman. Auntie: What do you mean, Mary? Mary: Why, I looked at the sign on his cart yesterday, and it said, "Families supplied daily." *EMBARRASSING* A Philadelphia business man tells this story on himself: "You know in this city there are two telephone companies," he said, "and in my office I have a telephone of each company. Last week I hired a new office boy, and one of his duties was to answer the telephone. The other day, when one of the bells rang, he answered the call, and then came in and told me I was wanted on the ’phone by my wife. "’Which one?’ I inquired quickly, thinking of the two telephones, of course. "’Please, sir,’ stammered the boy, ’I don’t know how many you have.’" *HIS ANSWER CORRECT* A young man was taking the civil service examination, and was exasperated at the irrelevance of some of the questions. One question was: "How many British troops were sent to this country during the American Revolution?" The young man shook his head for a moment, and, much annoyed, wrote the answer: "I don’t know, but a darned sight more than went back." *THE LANDLADY’S INDIGNATION* "Well, how did you rest last night?" asked the landlady of the new boarder. "I didn’t rest much," he replied, "I was troubled all night with insomnia." "Sir," was the landlady’s indignant comment, "I’ve never heard such a complaint before in my twenty-two years a housekeeper, and I’d have you know, sir, I’ve had your betters as my boarders! Moreover," she went on, as he began to mumble an explanation, "I do not believe you, sir, and am willing to board you free if you find a single one in that bed." *A TEMPERANCE SERMON* At a recent dinner, Colonel McC---- made a speech in which he said that his frequent going to dinners tended to impair his digestive apparatus. He concluded by saying that he was somewhat in the position of the editor of the country weekly who announced in one issue of his paper: "For the evil effects of intemperance, see our inside." *BOOKS AND AUTHORS* A teacher in the Girls’ High School vouches for the story of an incident which occurred during the examination of one of her classes in English literature. One of the questions was: "Give a quotation, name of book in which it appears, and name of the author of the book." Here is the answer turned in by one of the girls: "The Lord’s Prayer, the Bible, by God." *WHAT HE HAD READ* An unlettered Irishman’s application to the Court of Naturalization resulted in the following dialogue: Judge: "Have you read the Declaration of Independence?" Applicant: "No, sir."