The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new storiesTwain, Mark
General
The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new stories
Twain, Mark
American essays -- 19th century; American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American
Berlin is a surprise in a great many ways—in a multitude of ways, to
speak strongly and be exact. It seems to be the most governed city in
the world, but one must admit that it also seems to be the best
governed. Method and system are observable on every hand—in great
things, in little things, in all details, of whatsoever size. And it is
not method and system on paper, and there an end—it is method and system
in practice. It has a rule for everything, and puts the rule in force;
puts it in force against the poor and powerful alike, without favour or
prejudice. It deals with great matters and minute particulars with equal
faithfulness, and with a plodding and painstaking diligence and
persistency which compel admiration—and sometimes regret. There are
several taxes, and they are collected quarterly. Collected is the word;
they are not merely levied, they are collected—every time. This makes
light taxes. It is in cities and countries where a considerable part of
the community shirk payment that taxes have to be lifted to a burdensome
rate. Here the police keep coming, calmly and patiently, until you pay
your tax. They charge you five or ten cents per visit after the first
call. By experiment you will find that they will presently collect that
money.
In one respect the million and a half of Berlin’s population are like a
family; the head of this large family knows the names of its several
members, and where the said members are located, and when and where they
were born, and what they do for a living, and what their religious brand
is. Whoever comes to Berlin must furnish these particulars to the police
immediately; moreover, if he knows how long he is going to stay, he must
say so. If he take a house he will be taxed on the rent and taxed also
on his income. He will not be asked what his income is, and so he may
save some lies for home consumption. The police will estimate his income
from the house-rent he pays, and tax him on that basis.
Duties on imported articles are collected with inflexible fidelity, be
the sum large or little; but the methods are gentle, prompt, and full of
the spirit of accommodation. The postman attends to the whole matter for
you, in cases where the article comes by mail, and you have no trouble,
and suffer no inconvenience. The other day a friend of mine was informed
that there was a package in the post-office for him, containing a lady’s
silk belt with gold clasp, and a gold chain to hang a bunch of keys on.
In his first agitation he was going to try to bribe the postman to chalk
it through, but acted upon his sober second thought, and allowed the
matter to take its proper and regular course. In a little while the
postman brought the package and made these several collections: duty on
the silk belt, 7½ cents; duty on the gold chain, 10 cents; charge for
fetching the package, 5 cents. These devastating imposts are exacted for
the protection of German home industries.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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