The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new storiesTwain, Mark
General
The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new stories
Twain, Mark
American essays -- 19th century; American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American
The calm, quiet, courteous, cussed persistence of the police is the most
admirable thing I have encountered on this side. They undertook to
persuade me to send and get a passport for a Swiss maid whom we had
brought with us, and at the end of six weeks of patient, tranquil,
angelic daily effort they succeeded. I was not intending to give them
trouble, but I was lazy, and I thought they would get tired. Meanwhile
they probably thought I would be the one. It turned out just so.
One is not allowed to build unstable, unsafe, or unsightly houses in
Berlin; the result is this comely and conspicuously stately city, with
its security from conflagrations and break-downs. It is built of
architectural Gibraltars. The Building Commissioners inspect while the
building is going up. It has been found that this is better than to wait
till it falls down. These people are full of whims.
One is not allowed to cram poor folk into cramped and dirty tenement
houses. Each individual must have just so many cubic feet of room-space,
and sanitary inspections are systematic and frequent.
Everything is orderly. The fire brigade march in rank, curiously
uniformed, and so grave is their demeanour that they look like a
Salvation Army under conviction of sin. People tell me that when a fire
alarm is sounded, the firemen assemble calmly, answer to their names
when the roll is called, then proceed to the fire. There they are ranked
up, military fashion, and told off in detachments by the chief, who
parcels out to the detachments the several parts of the work which they
are to undertake in putting out that fire. This is all done with
low-voiced propriety, and strangers think these people are working a
funeral. As a rule the fire is confined to a single floor in these great
masses of bricks and masonry, and consequently there is little or no
interest attaching to a fire here for the rest of the occupants of the
house.
There are abundance of newspapers in Berlin, and there was also a
newsboy, but he died. At intervals of half a mile on the thoroughfares
there are booths, and it is at these that you buy your papers. There are
plenty of theatres, but they do not advertise in a loud way. There are
no big posters of any kind, and the display of vast type and of pictures
of actors and performance, framed on a big scale and done in rainbow
colours, is a thing unknown. If the big show-bills existed there would
be no place to exhibit them; for there are no poster-fences, and one
would not be allowed to disfigure dead walls with them. Unsightly things
are forbidden here; Berlin is a rest to the eye.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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