The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new storiesTwain, Mark
General
The £1,000,000 bank-note, and other new stories
Twain, Mark
American essays -- 19th century; American fiction -- 19th century; Humorous stories, American
‘You are an intelligent and honest man, as one may see by your face. We
conceive you to be poor and a stranger. Enclosed you will find a sum of
money. It is lent to you for thirty days, without interest. Report at
this house at the end of that time. I have a bet on you. If I win it you
shall have any situation that is in my gift—any, that is, that you shall
be able to prove yourself familiar with and competent to fill.’
No signature, no address, no date.
Well, here was a coil to be in! You are posted on what had preceded all
this, but I was not. It was just a deep, dark puzzle to me. I hadn’t the
least idea what the game was, nor whether harm was meant me or a
kindness. I went into a park, and sat down to try to think it out, and
to consider what I had best do.
At the end of an hour, my reasonings had crystallised into this verdict.
Maybe those men mean me well, maybe they mean me ill; no way to decide
that—let it go. They’ve got a game, or a scheme, or an experiment of
some kind on hand; no way to determine what it is—let it go. There’s a
bet on me; no way to find out what it is—let it go. That disposes of the
indeterminable quantities; the remainder of the matter is tangible,
solid, and may be classed and labelled with certainty. If I ask the Bank
of England to place this bill to the credit of the man it belongs to,
they’ll do it, for they know him, although I don’t; but they will ask me
how I came in possession of it, and if I tell the truth, they’ll put me
in the asylum, naturally, and a lie will land me in jail. The same
result would follow if I tried to bank the bill anywhere or to borrow
money on it. I have got to carry this immense burden around until those
men come back, whether I want to or not. It is useless to me, as useless
as a handful of ashes, and yet I must take care of it, and watch over
it, while I beg my living. I couldn’t _give_ it away, if I should try,
for neither honest citizen nor highwayman would accept it or meddle with
it for anything. Those brothers are safe. Even if I lose their bill, or
burn it, they are still safe, because they can stop payment, and the
Bank will make them whole; but meantime, I’ve got to do a month’s
suffering without wages or profit—unless I help win that bet, whatever
it may be, and get that situation that I am promised. I _should_ like to
get that; men of their sort have situations in their gift that are worth
having.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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